Learning to live
by GigglesandShizz
Summary: This story is going to be about filling in that gap Suzanne Collins left us between the ending of Mockingjay and the epilogue and adding in more detail. How Katniss and and Peeta grew close again and went on to have 2 children.  'His voice and his voice alone pull me from the nightmare. I gasp as I sit up in the bed, but this time when I reach out his arms are there for me.'
1. Chapter 1: The stupid cat

_'In the morning he (Buttercup) sits stoically as I clean the cuts, but digging the thorn from his paw brings on a round of those kitten mews. We both end up crying again, only this time we comfort each other. On the strength of this I open the letter Haymitch gave me from my mother, dial the phone number and weep with her as well. Peeta, bearing a warm loaf of bread, shows up with Greasy Sae. She makes us breakfast and I feed all my bacon to Buttercup.' _

I wake up kicking, punching and screaming Prim's name, tears are pouring down my cheeks as I gasp for air and reach out to invisible arms. Funny how you don't really miss something until it's gone. How many times have I wished his arms around mine these last few weeks? Yet when he was there for me I didn't even think about it. I sit up, one hand over my franticly beating heart, trying to calm myself down. Slowly I push the blanket off my feet and make my way to the window where I rip the curtains apart. The sun is just peaking into existence over the horizon, bringing a muted orange glow to the sky. It was so beautiful I almost forgot all my nightmares for a moment, until I hear something moving behind me. Franticly I turn around, about to punch the lights out of anyone there but my fist meets the air. In confusion I look down and find Prim's squashed face cat, Buttercup. Sighing I brush a strand of hair from my face and drop my clenched hand.

"Stay here." I command him, then head to the bathroom. As I'm reaching for the medicine cupboard I catch sight of myself in the mirror above the sink. I didn't bother to undo my braid from last night so lots of the dark hair has fallen out and into my face. My grey eyes are blood-shot from lack of sleep and huge purple bags hang underneath them and my lips are cracked. This is definitely not the face of a rebellion. Turning away quickly I grab some antiseptic, cotton wool buds and a set of tweezers, then I get to work. Slowly I began to clean the cats wounds and he doesn't make any fuss, well that is until I dig out the thorn from his paw, then he cries out. I see the small drop of blood and suddenly I begin to wail as well, I hold Buttercup close against my body for comfort. He meows painfully at the loss we both feel. Having him with me feels so much better, just knowing I'm not alone.

Once the tears have stopped we sit still for a few minutes and try to figure out what the next step is. Then it's like my body takes over, it knows where to go, it knows what I need before my brain can think things through logically. I allow myself to be lead out of the bedroom and down to the office. I reach down to open the draw of my desk and take out the letter my mother left for me.

She's brief in her writing, explaining how she was need in District 4 to start a hospital. She says she's sorry for not visiting me, that she wants me to call her the moment I get home. She tells me she needs to bury herself in work not sorrow like she did last time. Her number is written at the bottom, right underneath her signature. Closing my eyes and breathing in I control myself and dial the number. No one answers so I call again, it is still pretty early in the morning. This time she answers all be it a little sleepily.

"Hello?" Just hearing her voice brings both the comfort I need, and the feeling of knives stabbing my stomach. This was the woman who would have seen Prim die when she was just 7 because of her own selfishness.

"Hi." My voice is snappy and hard but I don't care.

"Katniss!" My mother cries, obviously relieved, the sound of her voice melts away the anger I had felt towards her moments ago. "I was so worried! I mean when you didn't call I...what's wrong?" My breathing has become irregular and at her words I burst into tears again.

"I m-miss her." I manage to choke out, realising this is the first time I have said the words out loud. My mother is silent for a few moments and when she does speak again I am surprised to hear that she too is crying.

"I know, I know." She sighs and then we both break down, just hearing each other going through the same pain seems to be enough to bring some comfort to us both. After what feels like hours we run out of tears. "I love you Katniss." She manages.

"I...I love you too." I tell her.

"Speak soon?" She asks.

"Yeah." I whisper and then she places the phone down. Turning around I see Buttercup has stayed by my side the whole time, I give his ear a little tickle, then heave myself to my feet and run back to my room to have a shower. I'm done wallowing.

When I step out again I feel clean, cleaner and happier than I have in weeks. I dry myself and pull on a fresh set of clothes. A pair of tight black trousers with a loose, flowing cream coloured shirt which hangs down to about mid thigh. I am about pick up the brush and re-do my hair when the doorbell rings. Puzzled I make my way downstairs. Greasy Sae usually just lets herself in and starts making breakfast, I haven't seen Haymitch in a while, Gale is in District 2 and Peeta hasn't talked to me since he planted the Primroses outside my house. Cautiously I open the door and find out I am very wrong.  
>It's Greasy Sae. Her jacket is pulled close to her body to protect her from the cold, grey hair falls down her face in wispy trails and she smiles when she sees me. Beside her is Peeta, his cheeks red from the frosty air, his blond hair has been completely messed up by the wind but his blue eyes shine out, this is how I know he is my Peeta, not that thing Snow created.<p>

"Hi." He says.

"Hey." I say back.

"Peeta wanted to bring you some bread and I suggested he stay for breakfast. That'd be ok wouldn't it?" Greasy Sae asks. I nod taking in Peeta's pale skin and thinning frame, then the package in his hands.

"I won't be a nuisance. Promise." He tells me as they both step through into my house, shaking off the cold. Once we reach the kitchen Greasy Sae goes to the fridge to pull out some sausages, bacon and eggs. She's being surprisingly quiet which means she wants Peeta and me to talk. I sit down nervously at the table as he unwraps the white paper to reveal a cheesy loaf. From where I am I can feel the heat still radiating from the fresh loaf and the smell sends my saliva into working overtime.

"Would you like a slice now?" He asks. I nod; afraid that if I open my mouth all that will come out is drool. He goes towards the cupboard where we...I keep the plates. He pulls one out and sets it on the table, then turns around to open the cutlery draw and pull out a sharp bread knife. I have to admit as he walks towards me I'm a little nervous, in fairness he has tried to kill me before with just his hands, who knows what he could do with a knife? However now he only uses it to cut a thick slice of the heavenly bread.

"So how've you been?" I find the silence unbearable. It shouldn't be like this between the two of us, we've both been through enough without the added strain of each other.

"It's been difficult." He admits, and I'm glad he's being truthful with me. "Delly's been coming to see me every day, to make sure I'm ok. Sometimes I go to Haymitch's. It's been pretty lonely, I'm not used to being by myself so much. Growing up with 2 brothers the house was always pretty noisy...but I'm learning to get through everything." I can tell by the way he says 'everything' he also means the tracker jacker venom, not just the loss of his whole family. He finishes slicing the bread and pushes a plate my way, then slips into the seat next to me. Before anything more can be said I devour it, taking in the soft, fluffiness of the bread and the tangy taste of the herbed cheese as they melt together on my taste buds. Once I've finished I look up and see Peeta watching me, amusement clear in his brilliant blue eyes.

"What?" I ask a small grin on my lips. " I haven't had bread like that since before the Quell." Instantly I regret my choice of words as I see Peeta's fist clench the table turning his knuckles white, then his pupils grow large like saucers; taking over the warm blue colour that was there moments ago. I should be scared, I should move away from him. But I don't. It takes him a few moments, he's obviously sorting through a memory in his head trying to decide if it's real or not. Then as quickly as it started his pupils become pinpoints, then expand again before going back to their normal size. I see the muscles all over his body relax as he snaps his head away from me. Obviously scared that if he looks at me the tracker jacker creature will come back. Greasy Sae, (who was watching closely, ready to jump in if Peeta attacked) now presents us with plates filled to the brim with food for a king.

"Thanks." I tell her, she smiles at me then goes to wash up the pans.

"I'm glad you liked the bread" Peeta tells me, pushing a sausage around his plate. "Sorry it's not as good as normal, I don't have the proper bread oven anymore what with the bakery being...well you know." I nod in understanding as Buttercup jumps up on the table, her beady eyes watching my fork as I lift some food into my mouth.

"Spoiled cat." I sigh picking up a bit of bacon between my fingers and holding it out, the greedy thing scoffs it down. I pick up another piece and just as quickly it's gone down the animals throat, I do this again and again until all my bacon has gone. Greasy Sae rolls her eyes at me and complains that I'm wasting perfectly good food.

"Well Effie would never approve." Peeta says, "An animal on the table? Being fed from your fingers? Why it's nearly as bad as those tributes she had to put up with before us." I smile at the joke, remembering a time that seemed so long ago when I had thought Peeta was the enemy. Thought he wanted to kill me.

Once we're done with breakfast Greasy Sae comes to take our plates but Peeta stops her. It's weird to see his youthful pale skin against hers which olive coloured, wrinkled and covered in sun spots.

"Don't worry I'll wash these up." He tells her, "The least I can do."

"Well if you insist I'm not going to complain, Katniss what else would you like me to do?"

"Nothing." I say simply. "You can go home if you want." She looks horrified at the suggestion and I can't blame her because I feel the same way, can I really be left alone with Peeta? But after I give her one of my famous glares she decides to leave.

"I'll be back in a few hours for lunch." She tells me grabbing her coat from the chair and giving my hand a gentle squeeze.  
>"See ya." I call out as I hear the front door slam shut. My mind goes back to those nights Peeta slept awkwardly with the cuffs on his hands attached to a metal pole, just to make sure couldn't harm me or anyone else, it obviously wasn't comfertable and he was in pain, but he didn't want to hurt someone. If he thought he was endangering me by being alone with me in the house he would have said something, I'm sure of it.<p>

"You should call Dr. Aurelius." Peeta tells me bringing me back to earth. I haven't noticed but as I've been contemplating he's already got to work, placing all the plates in a pile by the sink. He turns the hot tap on as he speaks and begins to pour cleaning liquid into the steaming water. I think about what he suggested and decide it's not a bad idea. Nervously I tell him I don't have Dr. Aurelius' number and he gives me a slip of paper with a string of numbers and the good Doctors name written beside them written in Peeta's neat, loopy writing. I head into the office for the second time that morning. Nervously I pick up the hand set and start dialling.

"Hello Katniss."

"Hello."

"How are you?" He asks and I hear concern in his voice. I can't really blame him, last time he saw me I was a complete wreck.

"I'm...better." I don't want to lie and tell him that I'm ok, or that I'm fine or even that I'm still a complete mess because I'm not.

"That's good, have you spoken with your mother?"

"Yes, this morning. It helped a lot, knowing she's suffering as well as me."

"Have you spoken with Peeta?"

"You know I have, you told him to come over. Didn't you? You told Peeta to get me to call you." The piece of paper with the Doctors number that Peeta just so happened to have scrunches up in my fist.

"Yes. For one I really needed to talk to you and I thought you would listen to him. I also thought it would help seeing him again. You're both healing, both mourning, both broken. Tell me if I was wrong to assume seeing him would aid your recovery."

"No you weren't wrong, it's good seeing him again almost back to normal. I've missed him. Before he used to sleep with me so that he could calm me down if I ever had a nightmare, now I have to deal with them alone and it's hard." I freeze as the last words slip from my mouth. I, Katniss Everdeen have never admitted something was too hard for me. Never. Not when I was starving. Not when my father died. Not when I was fighting for my life in the Games. So why now?

"Like I tell Peeta, it's going to be hard. Nothing in this world is easy. I suggest you just try to get through the motions, simply getting up, eating, maybe do some hunting. Soon you'll find something with meaning again."

"I'll try." I tell him.

"Call me again if there's anything I can help you with."

"I will." Then I place the phone down gently, rubbing my aching head with the palm of my hand. How was it possible for someone to feel so many things in such a short space of time?

"I'm going now." I turn to see Peeta leaning on the door frame, his body illuminated by the natural light that shines through the office window. How long as he been stood there? "I have to pop by Haymitch's, make sure he's ok. Then I said I'd help in town, they still haven't finished clearing the bakery yet."

"Oh...well I'll see you soon then." I say, unable to think of anything else.

"Yeah."

"Send Haymitch my love." A smile curves onto my lips and an identical one appears on Peeta's.

"I'm sure he'll appreciate it." He goes to leave and then stops, turning back around to face me he almost whispers the words. "I heard what you told Dr. Aurelius and your wrong you don't have to do it alone Katniss." Then he's gone before I can respond.


	2. Chapter 2: Finding meaning

** Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this story to their alerts! It really helped push me to write the next chapter, which I hope you will enjoy as much as the first. The main thing for me is keeping the characters in character and keeping the storyline believable so I'm glad u all thought this of the last chapter! If anyone has any idea for names of Peeta's brothers or Peeta and Katniss kids, or Annie and Finnick's son then please tell me!**

_'Slowly, with many lost days I come back to life. I try to follow Dr. Aurelius's advice, just going through the motions, amazed when one finally has meaning again. I tell him my idea about the book, and a large box of parchment arrives from the next train from the Captiol. I got the idea from our family's plant book. The place where we recorded those things you cannot trust to memory.' _

I'm in the very first Arena, surrounded by dense trees and thick bushes. My body is caked in small scratches, mud and sweat. The back of my throat feels like sandpaper from lack of water and my stomach is making angry noises from lack of food. I kneel down on the floor and brush my hand against the dirt, it's bone dry. I can't see any animals or their tracks, but Haymitch wouldn't be withholding water unless it was nearby. That's when I see them, a pair of huge brown eyes staring at me from one of the taller trees. My hunting reflexes make me reach out for my bow and arrow, but then I recognise the face that peaks out from the leaves.

"Rue." I sigh happily putting my weapons away, but as I do she disappears from sight. "RUE!" I call out desperately, suddenly very afraid for her. I try to reach the tree she was perched in but my legs have become as heavy as two anchors that hold me in place. "RUE!" I cry again, but I know it's no use. She is never coming back. As this realisation hits me I hear something rustling behind me, turning around I see that it's my little sister, Prim. A million thoughts rush through my head, what the hell is she doing here? In the arena? She is staring at something just behind me with huge sky blue eyes. I reach out to her with my hands but she doesn't respond. Before I have time to look an arrow whizzes past my shoulder and embeds itself in Prims chest. A canon goes off and I scream so loudly I feel like my throat is on fire. Hot tears begin to cloud over my eyes as I spin around in a blind rage, expecting to see Cato or Marvel or Clove standing there, bow still in hand from having killed my baby sister. Instead I only see Gale, and he's just as I remember him. Skin a warm bronze colour, hair an elegant shade of black and eyes piercing grey, but they are not looking at me as I would have expected, they're gazing down at his hands in shock.

"I couldn't know, it wasn't my fault." He tells me as I see the crimson liquid dripping from his fingers. I stare back horrified, he tries to reach out to me but I pull away. He killed her, he killed my baby. Did he kill Rue as well? I don't have time to think about these questions as I hear a low threatening growl to my left. Swivelling I see a wolf mutt with ashy blonde hair that falls in waves over the creatures body, it has the number 12 in coal black hanging from a collar on its neck. Although it's snarling at me showing off its sharp white teeth the thing that freaks me out most is its eyes. They're azure blue and filled with hatred. It's Peeta, they've turned my kind little Peeta into a horrid monster. I don't even have time to move out the way as he...it...Peeta...the mutt lunges at me.

Suddenly my eyes fly wide open and I sit up in the bed, gulping in the air around me, my hands gripping the sheets so hard my knuckles have turned white. Cold sweat covers me like a layer of extra skin and I'm shacking. I turn over and muffle a scream into my pillow as very real tears pour down my face. It was just a nightmare; a nightmare where Rue was gone, Prim was dead, Gale killed her and Peeta was a mutt. Doesn't sound like a nightmare, sounds like the real world to me. When I finally release my face from the safety of the pillow I clamber out of the sheets and go over to the window. The sun is already up in the sky but you can hardly see it through the dark heavy clouds and the rain that is pouring down over the glass of the window. I won't be able to go hunting today.

It's been a few weeks now since Peeta came over with the bread and since then I've been in the forest every day, just to get out of this house, trying to find something with meaning like Dr. Aurelius suggested but so far I've found nothing. I sell the animals I catch to the people who've been sent to clean up district 12 and put it back together. So far there's still only a few of us here and we're surviving mainly off imports from the capitol, but as the dead are collected and put in the communal grave, the streets are cleared and buildings are beginning to stand tall again the more and more people are coming back. Huffing I run a hand through my hair which has become greasy due to the sweat, I desperately need a wash, so I remove my clothes and jump in the shower, turning it onto the softest cycle.

As I step out of the shower I catch sight of myself in the mirror again and notice the huge difference. I look healthy again, with glowing clean skin and an air of someone being well looked after. The only cause of worry is the purple blotches underneath my eyes but there's nothing I can do about that, nothing can do will stop the nightmares. _Liar_, a small voice whispers in my head but I push it away, I'm not going down that road yet it'll open up way to many doors I'm not sure he or I am willing to go down yet. Sighing I pull some clothes on and then braid my hair up. I pull on the bravest face I can manage and head downstairs where Greasy Sae has let herself in and his busily running around the kitchen. On the table is a single cheesy loaf that has already been sliced up, but there's no Peeta. I pull a chair from the table and grab a piece of the bread.

"Morning." I say as brightly as I can manage.

"Morning." Greasy Sae replies flipping over a piece of bacon.

"When did you get this?" I asked holding up the slice which now thanks to me has a huge bite out of it. Greasy Sae turns around to see what I'm talking about.

"Oh Peeta dropped it off this morning, couldn't stay though...he sounded pretty rough." She says sliding a plate of food in front of me which I devour greedily. Once I'm finished with the meal I look up and see she has taken the seat opposite me and is watching with friendly grey eyes. "I thought maybe seen as today is going to be so miserable we could start going through some of your stuff." By my stuff she means the bits and pieces mum and Prim left behind. I haven't dared go in either of their rooms yet, I didn't want to. I don't think I can face it yet.

"Yeah sure, I'll start with my room." I say pushing the plate away from me and running up the stairs before she can tell me different. Once I've closed the door I look around the room, I don't have a lot of personal belongings. I skim through the cupboards and find a few clothes and books that could be got rid of, then I check the draws and find a few stray arrows that are no longer needed. I chuck them all in a bag and am about to go downstairs until I see something pocking out from under the bed. Huffing I get down on my stomach to check it out, it's a sock. Lovely. However behind it is something I'd almost completely forgotten about, the book. The book that had belonged to my mother's family, the book my father had spent years adding to, the book Peeta and I spent hours working on together. I hug it close to my chest and know I have found it, that thing to keep me going. What if I made a new book? But this time not filled with stupid flowers and berries but filled with people. Of Prim and Rue and my father and Finnick and Mags...the possibilities are endless. Excited I swing the bag over my shoulder and hop down the stairs and into the office where I pick up the phone.

"Hello Katniss." Either that man is psychic, has caller ID or I'm very predictable, I suspect a little of all 3.

"I found something a book that belonged to my mother's family, it's where they wrote about all the herbs needed in medicine. My father added some edible plants to it, Peeta and I spent a while working on it before the second games. I thought maybe I could make a new book, but this one could be a book on people, people we've lost. We could keep all the things it'd be a crime to forget safe on paper for the whole of Panem to remember." Dr. Aurelius is silent for a few moments but when he does reply his voice is filled with a tone of happiness that I wasn't expecting.

"Katniss that sounds wonderful! I'll have fresh paper sent out to you immediately, should arrive in the next few days. I'm glad to hear you sound much better."

"I feel better, I'll call you if anything changes."

"I hope you will, goodbye Katniss."

"Bye." I say putting the phone back down as Greasy Sae walks in with a tray, carrying a teapot, two cups and a plate of biscuits. They're not the beautifully iced ones that are created so carefully by Peeta's hand, but the ones u find in packages back in the Capitol.

"How did it go?" She asks setting it beside me and pouring two cups of tea.

"I couldn't make myself go into Prim or mums rooms, but I found a few things in mine." I tell her handing over the bag. She smiles kindly and takes it from me. The two of us sit for the rest of the afternoon, we finish the cookies and the whole kettle worth of tea. We talk mostly about Greasy Sae and her family, her daughter is pregnant again and moving back home for the birth. I can tell she's excited about it, having her family back with her. I think of Haymitch and Peeta alone in their houses with not one family member left. A growing guilt descends upon me as I think of my mother only a phone call away if I need her.

"Did they find Peeta's family in the Bakery?" I ask, Greasy Sae is caught off guard by my question, her expression shows it, but she answers me.

"Yes, 2 days ago. His brother mother and father have been found and placed with all the others we lost." I nod and am about to take the last swig of my tea when something about her sentence doesn't make sense.

"His brother? Didn't he have two?" She nods slowly.

"Yes, the older one hasn't been found yet but there's high hopes he will be when they check over the tailors place." The family that owned the tailors had 3 daughters and 1 son, they all had the merchant blond hair but the children all had their mothers brown eyes. She'd been the illegitimate child of a peacekeeper, adopted by the previous mayor's family.

"How come?" I ask seeing no link between them and the Mellarks.

"He was married to one of the daughters, the youngest I think. I only know what Thom has told me. He says she had been carrying a small baby bump for a while but only announced they were going to have a child the day before the bombing." I'm so shocked by the news I forget how to breath, Peeta never talked about it. Actually thinking back we never seemed to talk about him, always me, always my problems, like it was only my family and friends in danger, like I was the only one that mattered. I think of Delly, they'd been practically siblings but he'd never mentioned her except with the avox.

"Oh." Is the only sound I can manage as she clears away the cups and plates, wishes me goodnight and heads back to the house next door where she has taken temporary residence. I sit for a while not sure what to do with myself, all I can think of for the minute is Peeta's brother whom I don't even know the name of and his wife and unborn baby. Before fresh tears can cascade down my cheeks I decide to take a look at the book. I pick it up and place it gently on my lap.

As I read my fingers trace over the page tacking in the feel of the different preserved plants and squashed flowers. Whilst my hands are busy my eyes linger over the wonderfully detailed sketches Peeta has added, and marvel at how perfect they are and yet he'd never even seen 98% of these plants, just drawn them from what I described. Slowly the words and the colours all start to merge together as the hands on the clock move around and my eyelids feel heavy. I don't want to sleep but I know I must or else I'll collapse. I give into the tiredness and welcome a world of nightmares once again.


	3. Chapter 3: Mini Me

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! I appreciate them so much! Sorry this chapter took so long but everytime I tried to write it it came out all wrong and the characters where totally OOC and...well you get the message. I'm not toally happy with this chapter but I wanted to get it posted before I go back to school, when I probably wont have much time to write.**

I sit staring at the pile of paper that Greasy Sae has placed on the table in the middle of the living room. It's been a fortnight since Dr. Aurelius promised to send it, so I've had two weeks to think about what I'm going to write. The problem is every time I do my mouth goes dry, my mind goes blank and I feel my stomach burning. I bash my fist onto my head in frustration. Why is it all I do every second of everyday is think about Prim, but when I go to write it down the pen freezes in my hand?

"You don't have to do this right now you know, you could wait." Greasy Sae says from the doorway, I turn around and try to blink the tears away, her voice filled with sympathy. Something I've never copped well with before and certainly don't now.

"I'm going to get some air." I say swooping past her and into the hallway where I slip on my hunting jacket and boots, feeling her eyes on my back the entire time; even as I slam the front door closed. Once I'm outside the first thing I'm aware of is the cold winter wind slapping at my face and turning my cheeks red. Most of the houses in victors village are alive with warm, glowing light which shines out of peoples windows and hits the pavement, making the puddles glisten. Winter is well on the way, but there's still no snow, so far just lots of rain and miserable weather. Tugging my coat closer to my body I hop down the steps, then make my way across the pavement, careful to miss any puddles that could leak water into my warm, fur lined boots. I know where I'm going before I've even thought about it. Just like before, my body has taken control, it curls my hand around the door knocker so tightly my knuckles are white. My heart starts hammering in my chest when I hear someone on the other side opening the door but it drops right back down to my stomach when I see who answers.

"Katniss!" Delly says with a tone of surprise. Her long blonde hair has been tied up loosely behind her head, making her huge blue eyes seem even bigger, especially since she seems to have lost even more weight than when I last saw her. Her sleeves are rolled up and her arms covered in a light dusting of flour, which is also present on her cheeks, her nose and most of her clothes.

"Hey Delly." I respond. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, I popped by this morning and then...well come see for yourself!" She says leaning backwards on the door, revealing the inside of Peeta's house. A rush of guilt comes over me as I realise I've never been in his house before, he's been in mine plenty of times but I guess I just never bothered to come around. Not like Delly whose been here every day helping him out, cooking him breakfast, soothing away his tears. I wipe my muddy boots on the mat outside, then step inside for the first time. The thing that hits me immediately is the warmth and smell of baking dough and cinnamon, I can see that the kitchen door is open and filled with light which silhouettes young boy standing in the doorway. He has straight tousled blond hair, wild crazy blue eyes and glowing red cheeks from being in the warmth all day, he too is completely covered in flour. I smile at him as I slip my jacket of and place it neatly on the banister of the stairs, I recognise him immediately as Delly's younger brother.

"Patrick." She calls out to him so I assume that's his name. "Come say hello to Katniss." He stares at me for a long time before turning around and going back into the kitchen. "Sorry he's a little shy." Delly says, motioning me to follow him and ever so slowly I do. Although the layout is exactly the same as my own house it still feels so very different, like walking into a completely new world, with new colours and new smells. When I do eventually reach the kitchen I see Peeta. He looks up the moment I step in and immediately his smile widens and I can't help but smile back. He looks healthier than when I last saw him, his hair has been brushed for starters and his cheeks are flushed, not pale and covered in tear stains. His sleeves are rolled up and his lower arms are covered in...you guessed it flour. There's also a dot of it on his nose, and a handprint on his chest, which stands out against his dark blue shirt.

Without a warning or even a greeting I walk up to Peeta and pull him into a hug, hoping against hope I never have to let go. He's startled by my outburst but his arms still find their way around me and encircle my waist pulling me up against his warm body and sending shivers down my spine.

"Katniss?" He says brushing a stand of hair behind my ear, I pull my face from his chest and look up into his eyes. "You ok?" I nod, getting rid of some stray tears with the back of my hand.

"Yeah, it's just been a tough few weeks." I say as he lets go of me. His head bobs up and down in agreement. Part of me wants to ask about his brother, but then I can't seem to find the right words. Luckily I don't have to because suddenly there's a tiny beeping coming from the oven, which makes Patrick jump up from the floor, where he's been sitting staring at the oven.

"They're done!" He cries in his cute 6 year old voice that hasn't broken yet, his voice alight with excitement. Peeta turns away from me and ushers Patrick out of the way so that he can turn the beeping off.

"So what exactly have you guys made?" I ask, looking around the kitchen and noticing there are still bowls dotted around, flour everywhere and there are even some small globs of dough clinging to the surfaces. "Besides a complete mess."

"You'll see." Peeta says reaching into the oven and pulling out the tray. To the side Delly is smiling as always and when she sees me looking at her she winks. To her left Patrick is jumping up and down on his toes in anticipation and for a second I'm jealous of his childhood innocence. Then Peeta gently places the tray down on the counter top giving me a clear view of what they have made.

"Dough boys and girls." I gasp. "Just like when you where younger."

"It was Peeta's idea." Delly says brightly.

"It's us!" Patrick chimes in helpfully. "Me, Delly and Peeta!" He says pointing to each of the 3 dough people in turn.

"They're too hot to eat now though." Peeta reminds him, "They won't be ready for a while." Patrick's face drops.

"What am I suppose to do till then?" He cries, looking around at each of us for an answer.

"Help clean up?" Peeta offers, but he scrunches his face up in disapproval of that idea.

"Go take a shower." Delly suggests. "There's so much flour on you, we could cook YOU and turn you into a dough person." Patrick doesn't like the idea of washing, demanding that he only had a shower last night, but the alternative is washing up the plates which is even worse so eventually he stomps upstairs. Peeta and I get to work cleaning all the cooking utensils and bowls, whilst Delly wipes down the surfaces.

"How did you know about the dough people?" Peeta he asks, placing a knife down on the draining board. I don't want to tell him I was listening into his conversation with Delly, scared it might awaken the traker-jaker, instead I tell a half-truth and say Delly mentioned it once. He doesn't seem to believe me, but he lets it drop.

"How did the kitchen get in such a mess?"

"Patrick dropped a bag of flour that went all over Delly, so she wiped some egg on his face and soon it was a fully fledged war." He says smirking. "So is this purely a social visit, or was there something important you wanted to tell me?"

"Well I had an idea for a book..."

"Yes I know Dr. Aurelius told me." He says butting in.

"What ever happened to patient confidentiality?" I huff.

"Must have gone down the drain with eating manners." He replies.

"Well the paper arrived today and...I just couldn't think of anything."

"Don't worry too much about it, the words will come. They always do."

"Yeah to you maybe." I retort, frustrated by the situation.

"That's not true." I'd almost completely forgotten Delly was still in the room, I turn around to look at her, she's wiped the flour from her face and taken her hair out of its ponytail so it now flows down her back in gorgeous blonde waves. I'd never really noticed how pretty she was until now, but there is something about her, a certain charm. Not like me, who has as much charm as a dead slug. "That thing you said about them burning with us, that was amazing!"

" See." Peeta says, putting the last bowl away. "You've touched most of Panem with your words, but forcing them out isn't going to help, you just need to be patient and wait."

"But I'm not patient, and I can't wait. I need you." It comes out of my mouth before my brain has fully registered what I'm saying, it isn't until Peeta raises an eyebrow at me that I realise how that must have sounded. "I need you to help me with the book." I correct myself quickly before he can make any comments. "You could do sketches or paintings and we could stick them next to what I write."

"Sure, I mean..." He looks over at Delly whose stood watching us like we're still on the Ceaser Flickman show. "Dells could you give us a minute."

"Oh right yeah sure!" She says blushing and edging out of the room, Peeta turns back to me and continues where he left off.

"The only time I ever felt like we where truely friends was those few days we spent working on the book."

"So you'll help?"

"I'd love to, maybe we could get Haymitch in as well, so far since he's been back he's drunk his way through 10 boxes of liquor."

"Some things just never change." Peeta smiles at my joke and is about to say something when suddenly Patrick jumps through the kitchen door wearing one of Peeta's old suits and smiling like he just discovered Eldorado.

"TAAADAAA" He cries as Delly rushes into the room behind him.

"Sorry I told him not to." She apologises to Peeta who takes a second to look at Patrick, then back to Delly, then Patrick and soon enough he bursts out laughing.

"It's a mini me!" He explains when Delly and I stare at him like he's gone mad. I look over at Patrick whose still grinning, taking in the outfit which is about 10x to big for him, his blue shinning eyes and ashy blond hair. Without warning suddenly I'm laughing as well. In hindsight it probably wasn't that funny but it's been so long since I've been happy I just couldn't help myself.

"What?" Patrick asks, all too innocently. "My clothes where all mucky, and I just got out the shower!"

**Yeah rubbish ending *sigh* I really cudnt think of anything else. I love Delly, she's totally Peeta's version of Gale. Anyone else get the feeling Katniss might be a tiny bit jealous in this chapter? I mean there must be a reason he never really mentioned her. Anyway please review! Or fave! Or add it to ur alerts! They mean so much to me.**


	4. Chapter 4: Nightmare to Dream

**So I think you guys will like this chapter! Oh and honestly I'm not gonna pair Delly with Peeta! I just love Delly, and wish she got mentioned more in the books. Plus Delly said they where so close she would tell people he was her brother. The only time I would ever pair them is if I paired Gale/Katniss. **

I brush a strand of blond hair away from his eyes.

"Peeta." I call out softly, but he doesn't react, his skin radiating warm beneath my finger tips. I look out the window and see that it's pitch black outside. I can't really blame him for falling asleep, every time I blink I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. "Peeta." I try again gently shacking his shoulders, but nothing changes. Sighing I realise I'm going to pass out unless I go to sleep too. For a moment I consider how easy it would be for me to crawl onto the sofa next to him, lay my head on his slowly rising chest and have the best night's sleep I've had in what seems like a lifetime. I shake my head, knowing that I have to go to my own room and sleep in the empty bed by myself and deal with the nightmares like the strong person I am, or at least pretend to be. However before I can head upstairs I know I have to do a few things. First I go over to the window, making sure to leave it a little bit ajar so that a fresh, cool breeze is blowing into the room, then I close the curtains, shutting off the outside world. I look over at the coffee table in the middle of the room, you can't see the wood it's made from because it is covered in so much paper. Kneeling down I start to collect it all up into one pile, most of it is blank so I'm surprised when I find the sketch Peeta was working on before he fell asleep. It's of his father, a tray of cookies in his hands and a lopsided chef hat on his head. He hasn't finished it yet but that doesn't take away from its beauty. I place it with the rest of our work in a neat pile thinking of the Baker who said very little words but managed to keep smiling all day long, unlike his wife, who seemed intent on frowning at everything. Sighing I stand up and head over to the doorway where I turn off the main light, leaving one lamp glowing in the corner in case Peeta wakes up. Then I stagger up the stairs into my room where I take off my day clothes, slip on some thick, cotton, pyjamas, ten clamber into bed pulling the sheets over my head.

I'm trudging through the jungle from the second arena. There's no quiver on my back nor bow in my hands. When I start to get thirsty I feel around my belt but I can't seem to find the spile, so I have leave my throat scratchy and raw from thirst. For a while I don't know where I'm going, or why I'm here. That is until I notice a squirrel hanging from a piece of string only a few feet away. I walk forwards and inspect it, I can tell immediately who made this trap. But before I can react to it get Gale comes out from behind a nearby tree.

"Hello catnip." He says solemnly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you." He says walking towards me and lifting his hand up to touch my cheek.

"You're not meant to be in the arena." I say forcefully, although I don't push him away.

"I was always in the arena." He says, taking a strand of my hair with his finger and twirling it playfully. "Because I was always in your head." He's right, I thought about him a lot in both of the arenas but so much has changed since then.

"Where's Peeta?" I ask.

"He's gone." He tells me with no further explanation.

"Gone?"

"Gone." He says leaning in to kiss me but I rip myself away and start running, not once looking back. I need to find Peeta, he can't just be gone. You can't disappear from the hunger games. Soon I recognise the path I'm taking; it's the one that leads back up to the lightning tree, where I told Peeta to wait until at midnight so we could blow up the force field.

By the time I reach the tree my cheeks are red and my lungs are struggling for air. I was right, Peeta is here, hanging from one of the branches with a withered rope around his neck. His expressionless face stares at me with glassy, blue eyes.

"PEETA!" I scream, my feet rooted to the spot, hot fresh tears springing to my eyes. "PEETA!" I cry out his name until my voice starts to hurt, but there's nothing I can do. He's dead. He's dead. He's gone.

"Katniss, it's alright I'm right here." His voice and his voice alone pull me from the nightmare. I gasp as I sit up in the bed, but this time when I reach out his arms are there for me to fall into. I rest my head onto his chest where I can hear his strong heartbeat and I cry, clinging on to his shirt for dear life. Scared if I dare let go then he'll disappear forever. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me close whilst his chin rests on my head. "I'm right here." He says again.

"Don't go." I whisper.

"Of course I won't. If you don't want me to." In reply I snuggle down further into his chest, the tears have stopped now and a sort of peace is coming over me. He's not dead. He's right here in my arms.

"Never." I say, so he crawls down next to me in the bed. "Are you tired? Did I wake you up?" He shakes his head, making his ashy blond curls do this funny dance.

"No, you're screams saved me from a nightmare of my own." Peeta explains as I place a hand on his stomach so that I can feel his stomach rise and fall. "You where calling my name." He adds. I close my eyes and hide my face.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I murmur.

"Me neither, why don't we try and get a few more hours sleep?" I nod in agreement. I'm suddenly feeling tired, like I've had no sleep. Well I don't suppose the little sleep I've had really counts. So I close my eyes and dream.

**YES FINALLY AFTER 4 CHAPTERS! *sigh***


	5. Chapter 5: Dying Slug

**Sorry this one took so long, I knew what where I wanted it to go, but everytime I tried to write it the characters where OOC or the storyline didnt seem very good. I'm sorry if this one isnt as good as some of the others. Once again HUGE THANK YOU! to EVERYONE who commented, I got some great feedback which is always good, please dont be afriad to point out spelling mistakes or grammer issues, if you dont tell me I wont learn! Anyways yeah thanks for all the support, this has been my most favourited and commented story on FF and its all down to you guys. Please continue to be as awesome as you have, your comments really do inspire me to carry on. **

_"Now we're in the sweet period where everyone agress that recent horrors should never be repeated." - Plutarch page 442 (british edition)_

"Haymitch?" I call out, stepping through the doorway and into the corridor. I didn't bother knocking, if I did he probably wouldn't answer and his door was always open anyway. From what I could see the house looked moderately clean so I assumed someone had been in and tidied it, somehow I couldn't imagine Haymitch with a little feather duster going around and sweeping the place up. "Haymitch?" I called again, there was a grunt of response from down the hallway, down the corridor so that's where I headed. Pushing open the door I could saw the person I was looking for. Haymitch was sitting at the table, a three quarter full bottle of liquor beside him. When I walked in he didn't bother looking up, I follow his gaze to a small black television which is sitting the wooden countertop. On the screen is a middle aged woman with thin, straight brown hair and brown eyes interviewing a man I recognised, our new president Paylor.

"What about this secret vote some people are talking about, the one a group of old victors made asking for a 76th Hunger Games?" The interviewer asks pushing the microphone into Paylor's face.

"I'm afraid all I can say is that if such a vote existed it was under Coin's control." He answers coolly.

"And now that Coin is gone?" The interviewers presses, creasing her eyebrows.

"The last thing I want right now is another war or uprising because that will mean hundreds more dead. If there was to be another Hunger Games then it could potentially have the people of the Capitol up in arms..." Suddenly the screen goes blank, turning around I see Haymitch has the remote in his hand, still pointed at the television.

"He's right of course." He's words are a little slurred, his nose and cheeks are rosy from drink and I can smell the alcohol in his breath from where I stand. He drops the remote on the table, where it lands face down.

"I guess." I say shrugging, I'd never really thought about whether the last Hunger Games would go ahead now that Coin was dead. In some ways I think I'm relieved, although I voted yes I don't think I'd ever have been able to watch it, knowing I was the one who'd placed those children in my own worst nightmare.

"You're better I've seen you in a long time." I suddenly notice that Haymitch's watching me, taking in every detail of me as if we've just met. I shrug my shoulders again unsure of how to answer, when I don't he asks something else. "What brings you here sweetheart? S'been a while. "

"4 Months." I remind him. "Why? Is my company that bad, you want me gone already?" He laughs.

"I can think of worse." I take the nearest chair and sit down opposite him with the table between us. I lean forwards, my eyes locked on his pudgy red face. I realise now that maybe I pity him a little, where I had Greasy Sae and Peeta help keep me busy, the only way he found to distract from the pain was through booze. Suddenly his face flickers in my mind to the youth I saw in the 50th Hunger Games, with dark curly hair and bright, dangerous grey eyes.

"Dr. Aurelius told me to find something to distract myself from depression." Haymitch raises an eyebrow. "I found a much better way than drinking. Peeta and I have been writing this book about the people we knew who've...passed away. He draws pictures, I write in the unforgettable traits they had. Peeta thought maybe you'd want to help. I'm sure you have a few people."

"You don't want me to help?" He asks after he's taken a few moments to take in what I said.

"I didn't know whether you'd want to." I say. "You're not really the kind of person who likes talking about feelings."

"And you are?"

"No." I admit. He scratches his stubble and leans backwards on the chair, unfortunately the back legs aren't strong enough, they snap and send the chair and Haymitch straight to the floor. I can't help but smile as his arms flay around trying to grab something to help himself up.

"You look like a dying slug." I comment which doesn't help his mood, it's only when he starts cussing and damning me to hell that I decide I should go and check if he's alright. I offer him a hand up which he takes but when I try and pull him up I can't. "You know you're going to have to help a little bit." He grunts in response and pushes up from the floor as I pull. Eventually he's standing again and we're looking awkwardly at each other.

"I'll come over and help you once the liquor's run out." I nod, sure that sounds reasonable enough. We clean up the mess on the floor together, then break the rest of the chair up so he can use it as firewood.

Walking back to my own house I realise how fast winter is now set in. There's a dusting of snow on the ground, even though it can only be gone 4 the sky is dark and cloudy, the sun nowhere to be seen. Although it's only across the road to my place, once I'm home I slam the door shut and breath in the warmth. I hadn't worn my big hunting jacket so my skin is shivering, I decide that a hot shower will probably solve this problem and I'm about to go up when someone crashes through the front door. Immediately I turn around and pin them to the wall. Of course you can all guess it was Peeta, a huge smile spread across his face.

"You'll never guess who just called me." He says excitedly slipping out of my grasp and heading towards the living room where I follow him still in a bit of a daze.

"I don't know." I say a little annoyed, I was tired and really just wanted to settle down not plays stupid games.

"Annie." He says, the grin not once leaving his face.

"Annie?" I cock an eyebrow, I hadn't talked to her since Coin had brought all the old victors together. Suddenly I'm washed the guilt again, Finnick. We've already put him in our little book, it took forever though because Peeta could never quite get the colour of his eyes right. Every time I complained he retorted with 'well I never stared into his eyes.' But eventually we got there. "Is she ok?" I know it's a stupid question because if something was seriously wrong Peeta wouldn't be so happy.

"Everything's perfect." He says cupping my face with his hands and leaning his forehead against mine. "Annie's pregnant."

***shock face* who saw that coming? I certainly didn't. No I'm not joking I really didnt, originaly Katniss was going to come home and Peeta was gonna be crying about something or other but then I changed my mind right at the last possible second. Oh yeah and I'm aware that Katniss and Finnick counted the war as the '76th Hunger Games' however it wasnt offical. The quote at the begining is what I used to figure out now that Coin is dead they probably wont hold another Hunger Games just yet.**


	6. Chapter 6: Hot chocolate

**Right from this chapter onwards things will be speeding up a bit, there'll be longer time gaps between chapters and stuff. Anyway once again the support has been fantasitc. If you hadn't noticed there's a sort of pattern going on it's kind of 'fluffy peeta and katniss chapter' followed by another chapter which involves another character like Haymitch or Greasy Sae. Sorry this is a short one, but I couldnt really think of anything else to put in. HAVE FUN! **

I don't have anything to protect myself as he flicks the trident in my direction, it lands on the sand right in front of my feet. I look back up at Finnick, his face scrunched up in anger.

"What are you doing!" I find myself shouting. "We're ALLIES!" I look around hoping to see Johanna, or Peeta or Beetee. Instead I notice my bow and arrow lying a few feet away buried in a light dusting of sand. Dodging one of the unlimited number of tridents he seems to have I grab my weapon, quickly get the arrow in place and notch it towards Finnick, who only laughs walking towards me slowly.

"Go on then Mockingjay, kill _me_ like you killed _my father_." I frown, the bow suddenly heavy in my hands.

"Your father? I don't even know who your father is...was..." Suddenly another trident comes flying my way but I don't have time to duck properly and it scratches the surface of my right arm causing me to drop the weapon, before I can do anything more another one embeds its self in my right thigh. Crying out in pain I fall to my knees, he walks forwards, kneels down in front of me and places the tip of a trident underneath my jaw, forcing me to look up into his eyes.

"Finnick, please. We're friends. I didn't touch your father." I manage, but once I've finished the sentence I'm already regretting it. His eyes are too dark, his hair a different shade, more auburn than bronze. His nose is a little shorter and his jaw more defined. He's not...

"I'm not Finnick. I'm his son." Then before I can stop him he sends the trident up through my skull.

I wake up screaming and shivering in cold sweat, my mind is a complete haze. The arms that wrap around me and the lips that whisper words of comfort in my ear don't even register at first, I'm too busy sobbing and trying to make sense of everything I just witnessed. I hide my head in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Peeta says, soothingly running his fingers over my back. "I shouldn't have told you about Annie."

"What?" I mumble.

"You where calling out Finnick's name, I assumed it must have something to do with Annie and the baby." I choke as more sobs escape the back of my throat, I don't get back to sleep that night and neither does Peeta we both just stay up, entwined in each other arms.

I don't know why I found that nightmare so scary, whether it was that the pain seemed so real, or that I can't shake the feeling that maybe it was my fault Finnick died. Or perhaps it's the guilt I feel that Annie's son or daughter will never know their father. To distract myself I start to make a list of all the goodness I've ever seen in the world. Peeta offering the money to Rue and Thresh's families, my father bringing back flowers for my mother, Gale saving all those people from District 12, Prim trying to help those children, the baker promising to look after her when I was away, the butcher helping me get the goat. Once the sun has started turning the sky a gentle orange Peeta gets up and goes downstairs. While he's away I notice how cold and empty th bed seems withouthim, how on earth did I last so long without him? Even right now, after his comforting all night I still dont know if I'll have the strength to pull myself out of bed later.

When he comes back Peeta has two cups of hot chocolate. He gives one to me and places the other on the bedside table. I take the mug, making small sips every now again.

"You feel better?" He asks climbing back in beside me. I nod slowly, I know he wants me to talk about the nightmare, but I don't think I can.

"Why do you have to sleep with the window open?" I ask, he looks a little taken back at first by the sudden outburst of the question, his fingers grip the bed sheets as a look of pain passes over his face. I know the traker jaker must be awakening a memory. I pass my hand over his arm and feel all his muscles tensed up.

"I don't like feeling trapped, with the window open I always feel like I have an escape route." He says through clenched teeth, once the words are out though his face softens and he breaths out a sigh of relief. "I double knot my shoe laces because when we were younger Delly told me it was always best to, that way you don't have to worry about it coming undone. I don't put sugar in my tea because I think it ruins the taste, it's like covering bread in butter, to enjoy the bread you should eat it plain." I smile, then place my empty mug down and snuggle in close to him. "You...you remembered all that about me even when I couldn't." He says leaning his head on top of mine.

"I remember everything about you, you're the one who wasn't paying attention." I whisper.

"I said that to you before in the first games, real or not real." I smile at the mention of the old game which we haven't played since coming back to 12.

"Real." I tell him.

**he he awww its puppy love :3 I still need names for Finnick's son! send me ur suggestions! and I will not be calling him Finnick or Finn or Nick.**


	7. Chapter 7: The Letter

**Wow. Ok if I say I'm really sorrry will you guys forgive me? No? *sigh* things have been really busy lately. Plus my fanfiction has all been aimed at Percy Jackson, what with the new book out and all. If your interested check out my Deviantart 'Lily-rose007potter' :D not that I'm self advertising at all. **

The first sunshine in what feels like forever passes through the leaves of the trees above me. I can't believe how long it is since I've been here, out in the forest. Before the war and the Games, I'd be out every morning rain or shine, I didn't really have much of a choice, but now I do and I'm still here, although Gale isn't and if I'm brutally honest I do miss him. I mean I hunted a lot alone in the arena but these are our woods, where we would get the food to feed our families, where we would muck around, have fun...of course a lot of the time he spent cursing and swearing that one day he would blow the Capitol and their people to pieces. I knew where his anger was coming from though I never liked hearing that kind of aggression in his voice, especially since we never knew how much they were monitoring us. Sighing I stuff the dead squirrel into my bag, knowing I should probably head back home. The fence has been taken down, it was one of the first things to go, no more herding the people of the district, we're free to go where we like. Well everyone but me, I'm on house arrest, bound to stay in District 12. I step straight over what used to be the boundary line and make my way back into the village where the building work is under way.

The seam has been completely obliterated and in its place new buildings are starting to appear. The mines of course have been closed down, though in only a few months time we'll start needing coal again, I don't know what they're going to do when that happens. They can't force the people to go down there again.

"Long time no see." Thom calls out to me from where he's standing, leant against the wall of a building that has yet to be completed. "You look better, not mad anymore?"

"No I'm still mad, just learnt to hide it better." I tell him. "So you still in charge of the rebuilding project?" He nods, patting the wall he's lent against.

"You know this is going to be a hospital." I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "We're gonna plop the town hall where it used to be...can't start with the shops till all the old registered members of district 12 return...we've finished pulling up bodies now." He adds, answering the question I didn't ask.

"Peeta's brother?"

"Both Ryan and Jace are accounted for." He tells me as a lump rises into my throat. How long had I known Peeta? Why was now the first time I was hearing the names of his dead brothers? _No._ I think. _I must have heard them before, I went to school with them, saw them in the bakery..._Thom looks apologetically, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"No you haven't, I'm just a million miles away." I see him look towards my hunting sack.

"Catch anything good?" I pull it from my shoulder and hold it out to him.

"Nothing much, here take what you need." He grabs a couple of things, attaching them to his belt, then hands it back.

"Thanks, see you around Katniss." Maybe it's that I've been in the forest, maybe it's that I've been talking to Thom or maybe I just miss him.

"Have you spoken to Gale?" I ask, my voice breaking slightly at the end. Thom turns back to me, a sly grin on his face.

"Mr. Big shot army general? Haven't spoken to him since he left District 13. Why?" I shrug, trying to make it look like I don't care.

"Oh I just wanted to know if he was ok."

"He's on T.V all the time." Thom suggests.

"I don't watch television a lot." I tell him quickly, wishing I hadn't said anything, what the hell does he think of me now? "Well see ya." I walk back towards victors village so that I don't have to hear his reply.

Is it wrong for me to miss Gale? Of course not, I've known him since I was 12, we went through a lot together. Then why does something not feel right? I kick the pavement in frustration, why do emotions have to be so confusing, why can there never be a clear answer? I feel like my whole life has become one giant riddle that someone is asking me to solve, but I simply can't. Swinging open the door I can hear people talking in the living room. I frown, fist clenched ready to punch the lights out of anyone, then step into the room. It's just Peeta and Patrick. They're lent over the table in the living room, drawing something. I don't know when it happened, or how it happened but Peeta seems to have moved in. I don't mind of course. It's good. It means he's always there when I wake up, plus I've lacked interaction these last few months it's nice having him around.

When I walk in Peeta glances up and smiles, but Patrick keeps working as if he didn't even notice, maybe he didn't. Delly has been a little under the weather recently so Peeta has been taking care of little Pat so that she can get better.

"Hey." Peeta says, smiling so brightly it makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle slightly. "You have mail." He says pointing to one of the small side tables next to the sofa. I see what he's talking about, a small brown envelope with my address written in a scruffy hand that I don't recognise. It's not my mum and it's not Gale. I can't think of who else would want to contact me.

"Do you know who it's from?" I ask, Peeta shakes his head in reply, then watches as I lift the envelope up and rip it open. Inside is a folded piece of paper which I pull out quickly and start to read. The confusion in my head suddenly disappearing with every word I read, only to be replaced with immense happiness. A smile manages its way onto my face as Peeta comes up behind, leaning his head over my shoulder to see what I'm looking at.

"Where's the picture?" I ask picking up the envelope and peaking inside, but there's nothing there.

"Maybe it dropped out?" He suggests.

"This it?" Patrick asks holding a small piece of paper above his head.

"That's it." Peeta says taking the photo and ruffling the boys blonde hair so that it sticks up all over the place. When he sees what's depicted on it Peeta smiles like the Cheshire cat. I go and stand by his side, tears working their way to my eyes.

In the photo Annie looks pale and tired with light sweat all over her head and her hair is flying everywhere. Despite all this she's grinning like I've only ever seen once before, when she was reunited with Finnick. In her arms is a tiny baby, wrapped up in cotton sheets, eyes closed, with a small tuft of light brown hair on his head.

"He's amazing." I say, my finger running over the baby's face.

"Yeah." Peeta sighs beside me, placing his arm around me. I don't push him away because I don't want to.

"Who's that?" Patrick asks, squeezing in between us and pointing his finger towards Annie.

"That's Annie Cr...Odair." Peeta catches himself.

"Who's that?" He asks pointing at the baby.

"That's Kai Odair. Finnick's son."

**Thanks to 'xoDASHAxo' for the suggestion of Kai for Finnick's son. Apparently it means ocean in hawaiian, plus i think it has a nice ring :D Also thanks to everyone who made suggestions!**


	8. Chapter 8: Interview with a difference

**Hey! So this story has been on my mind for the last few days and I just had to write the next chapter before I exploded. Oh yeah also in chapter 5 I called Paylor a 'he' when she is infact female. Thanks to whoever pointed that out, to be honest I'd forgotten who Paylor was and had to google it. sorry! Also someone said the correct spelling of 'Kai' is 'Kye'? I just went with the spelling I was given but if it is wrong Peeta is spelt Peter so maybe these people have spelling issues? :P Once again thanks for all the great feedback! Whenever I get a review I do a little dance, it really means a lot to me. I couldn't count how many story alerst this thing has :D **

_'I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children. But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips.' - Katniss Everdeen page 453 (British edition) _

I'm sitting on the stage. Bright, electric lights shine in my eyes, blinding out the audience. Beside me I feel Peeta's hand in mine, clasped tight like he never wants to let go. Opposite us Ceaser Flickman is smiling, but it's not a real smile. It's been painted onto his face like a clown. I want to get up and runaway, I don't want to be here again, but Peeta's hand on my arm is too tight, keeping me anchored to the chair.

"So Katniss." Flickman starts. "Welcome back from the Games, I know you had a pretty hard time in there, but I'm going to ask the question all of Panem is thinking. When did you first realise you loved Gale?" I don't know what he's talking about, I don't understand the question, why would he be asking me about Gale in an interview?

"I don't understand." I say trying to keep my voice even and light heartened for the capitol people.

"Gale, your district 12 partner. At what point during the Games did you realise you loved him?" Flickman says again. In confusion I look to Peeta to give me the answers but he's not there. He never has been. The man holding my hand is Gale. His grey eyes looking down on me as his jaw stays tight. Beneath my fingers I can feel that his body is tense, like he's been made out of plastic.

"No." I say frowning, trying to pull free. "This is wrong, where's Peeta?" I turn back to Flickman hoping he will have the answers, but he looks as confused as the audience, who have started mumbling to themselves, asking who is this Peeta that I speak of? "I need to go." I try to stand up but Gale's grip is too hard and I just fall back onto the seat. Desperately I try to tug my hand free but his grip gets tighter and tighter until I can feel the bones in my wrist cracking. Slowly he leans his head down so that his lips are right next to my ear and whispers the two words I dreaded.

"He's dead."

Suddenly I'm gasping for air as cold sweat drips over my brow. I can't concentrate. My brain won't let me, I don't know where I am, I don't know how to breath. I feel large, warm hands cup my face. Someone is speaking to me, calling out my name, though it's like trying to listen to them from underneath ear muffs. My fingers dig into the duvet cover, I'm back in district 12, someone is trying to talk to me. Peeta. Peeta is alive. I open my eyes and see his nervous face looking down at me; his head is tilted slightly like a lost puppy, his fluffy blonde hair standing up all over the place and his eyes filled with concern.

"Katniss?" He says again. I don't reply, I just lean into him. Suddenly I'm feeling very cold, glancing across the way I notice window is open, despite the light trickling of rain that's coming from the grey, sluggish clouds. He lifts my head up slowly with one of his fingers so that I have to look into his blue eyes, which are filled with concentration. His brows are furrowed and I can tell that the mutt is fighting in the back of his mind. Then gently he leans down and places his lips on mine. My body tenses up from shock but relaxes after a few seconds. Find my hands creeping up to his chest, where they stop, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his lungs. When I finally pull away Peeta looks at me, seemingly confused, though I'm sure the mutt has gone.

"There are no cameras around." I nod,

"I know." My voice is hoarse like someone has shoved sandpaper down my throat. He reaches over to the side where he always keeps a glass of water and offers some to me. I take it, and allow the cool water to sooth my insides. When we lay back down again his arm is still around mine bringing me warmth, but his eyes close. I can see the bags under them from here and realise I must be keeping him up all these nights with my screams, but I'm too selfish to ask him to leave and have a good night's sleep.

I can't go back to sleep that night, too many things are whirring around my head. Gale, the kiss, the nightmare. What do they mean? Why am I suddenly missing him after so long? Did I feel anything when Peeta kissed me? The fireworks in my stomach? To keep myself occupied I start making the list again. Peeta offering the money to Rue and Thresh's families, my father bringing back flowers for my mother, Gale saving all those people from District 12, Prim trying to help those children, the baker promising to look after her when I was away, the butcher helping me get the goat, Peeta burning the cookies, Gale saying that we should work together, Madge sitting with me at lunch, my mother doing my hair, Finnick taking care of Annie and Mags...

Eventually I see the sunrise leaking burnt orange into the sky telling me morning has come around once again. Peeta stirs, his long blonde eyelashes open and he looks right at me looking at him. He smiled when he sees me and before he can say anything else I lean in for a kiss. I don't feel the spark, but I don't want to pull away either, my body simply won't allow it.

**Thanks for all the great name suggestions for their kids! If you have anymore please tell me! I will NOT be calling them Prim or Finnick or Thresh or Madge or anything like that. Katniss has more imagination than Harry Potter. **


	9. Chapter 9: Tokens of lost siblings

**HEY! Ok first off I've had loads of peole commenting that they just read the whole thing from chapters 1-8. Even I get bored reading this story after about half-way down the first chapter so bravo to you guys, and everyone who has stuck with me so far! Oh and to 'sunshinemeg82' and anyone else who got a bit confused I only say 'british' version because the page numbers are different, so if u wanted to find the quote in the american version it wouldn't be on the same page, the stories are exactly the same. ****Oh and to whoever sent the anonymous review which asked if I was 'british' yes I am XD XD sorry I should probably have mentioned that earlier. S****o please ignore some of the spelling and 'british' words such as grey, mum, colour, through, bin, trousers, pavement...etc. Thanks for the nice reviews! Well I'm gonna shut up now, ENJOY! **

If you haven't seen an overweight, middle aged man chasing a flock of geese around his garden whilst screaming at the top of his lungs, then you my friend are missing out on something so funny I honestly thought I would die.

"Your laughing isn't helping the situation." Peeta says nudging my side, but when I look up there's a huge smile on his face too.

"Well he isn't exactly making much progress, remind me again why we got him the geese?" I ask raising an eyebrow, watching as Haymitch manages to corner the flock against the wall of his garden.

"The alcohols run out, I thought we could distract him." He shrugs.

"With geese?"

"Yes, is there a problem?"

"YES THERE'S A FREAKING PROBLEM!" Haymitch cried out as one of them pecked at his hand, he kicked away the bird, then pulled tee damaged hand to his mouth away and sucked up the blood, "Can I get some help?" Rolling his eyes Peeta walks over to help try and herd the geese into the pen.

"I'll see you back at base." I call over, Peeta nods in response, then gets to work.

I make my way through the back gate and out into the victors village which for once is brimming with life. Last week all the coal reserves in the Capitol ran out, so they've re-opened up the mines. This means most the District has come back, as well as a few from 13. Thom informs me that they've brought in a new lift, improved the support of the cave walls and managed to get some electric lighting down there. I wish could say these mean no one else will have to die down there, but I'm sure it doesn't. Next week they're going to be opening the town centre again. Peeta will be going back to the Bakery and I'll probably have to start hunting regularly. They're cutting off the victors from our 'winnings', which doesn't really bother me in the slightest, it means they're putting the money to good uses in other places. These last few months money hasn't meant anything to anyone. The Capitol trains come filled with food and everyone takes their fair share. Absently I kick a rock off the road and in trundles along for a bit, before being stopped by the bottom of a lamppost.

Outside the house the primroses Peeta planted 10 months ago are in full bloom, bright and yellow they seem to shine down on all the dull green grass that surround them. One in particular catches my eye, it's a little smaller than the others and by the looks of things it has only just opened out it's petals to the bright sun. I tilt my head and smile at the late blooming primrose, then turning to make sure no one is watching, as if I'm doing an illegal act, I reach down and pluck the tiny flower from its stem, then hold it out in my palm so I can look down on it. Carefully I carry it into the house where I place it down on the desk and start to look for the book. My father used to do this all the time with specimens, press the flower with the book paper so that it would preserve for a longer time and could be placed between the pages easily.

I search for a good while, but I can't find it. My mind wanders to where we were last using it, probably in the living room. I'm about to go down and check when I find something I don't recognise at first, infact I probably wouldn't have recognised at all if I hadn't found the name 'Ryan Mellark' followed by '1st place.' Engraved on the bottom. The metal looks like it's been through the wars a bit, it's missing the blue and white ribbon necklace it used to have, and it's starting to go a little rusty. I think about how on earth it could have made its way here to my draws when I hear Peeta and Haymitch come through the door.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls up to me.

"In here." I shout down to him. He starts to make his way upstairs, leaving Haymitch in the living room to relax after his ordeal with the geese. When he comes in I glance up and find him smiling widely, though his hair is windswept and his hand is covered in goose bites.

"What are you doing up here?" He asks.

"I wanted to put a primrose in the book." I say, coming forwards to meet him, "But I couldn't find it."

"Oh yeah it's in the bedroom, I was doing some sketches last night when I couldn't sleep." He answers, "So what's are you holding?" In silence I press the medal down into his hand, when he sees what it is a nostalgic smile spreads over his face as he runs a finger over the engraving. "Someone from the Capitol sent it a few weeks ago." He tells me, "They found it in the arena."

"What was it doing in the arena?" He looks surprised for a second, like I was asking a really stupid question, which maybe I was.

"It was my token." He says and I can see a few tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. "My brother gave it to me. He said it was mine to remind me that I was going to come first. It fell from my pocket when I was finding somewhere to keep safe after my leg was injured. Luckily the cameras caught where it fell, so they were able to find it pretty quickly. I didn't ask them to, but the guy in the letter said they wanted to find it for me, said it was the least they could do." Once again I can't believe how little I know about the boy with the bread, when he knows everything about me. I place a comforting hand on his shoulder as he wipes away a stray tear from his cheek. Gently he places the medal back down on the desk, next to the primrose, then pulls me into a quick hug. His body heat briefly warming me before he lets go. "Come on, I think Haymitch is ready for his tea." He takes my hand as we start climbing down the stairs.

"What is for tea?" I ask.

"Well Haymitch accidently stepped on one of the geese..."

"Goose it is." I say smiling, he smiles back.

"Goose it is."

**'cos I can't imagine Peeta didnt have a token with him. I considerd saying he was given a shoelace from Delly who couldnt find anything else, so she took it from her shoe so that he'd remember her in the arena but I thought maybe that would have been too romancey. The reason I said he lost it is because I'm sure if he'd been wearing it, or it had been in his pocket Katniss would have noticed when she washed her trousers. I still need baby names! Keep 'em coming! Also if you have any ideas you'd like to see in future chapters let me know!**


	10. Chapter 10: Burnt soup with Stale bread

**Hey there, so this one is more of a filler to update everyone about how they've managed to rebuild 12 and stuff. Sorry it took so long to upload but it was my 15th on Monday and my little sisters a few days before that, but I promise the next chapter should be up sooner! Oh and thanks for all the great baby names! Keep them coming!**

I'm not sure why I do it, maybe because I'm a little bored, maybe because Peeta isn't home and maybe because part of me just hopes to see his face. The television flickers as I press down on the remote, exploding from a small white dot on the screen and then growing, filling with colour and the sound of talking. Unfortunately it's not his face on the screen, it's someone I don't recognise talking about something I have no interest in. I'm about to turn it off again when I hear the front door click open.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls out, wondering where I am. I pull myself from the comfortable seat on the sofa and stand up, attempting to brush some of the knots from my hair as I say:

"In here." The door opens almost immediately and there he is, his face red from working hard at the ovens all day, in his hands is a white package that he holds down by his side. I'm so happy to see him that a smile automatically makes its way onto my mouth as I go over to give him a hug. I know it's hard for him, working back in the Bakery without his family, the same way it's hard for me to go hunting without my old companion.

"You ok?" He asks, I nod, snuggling my head into the crook of his neck, warming my face. "Why is the T.V on, have you been watching it?" I sense curiosity and worry in his words, the last year I haven't really watched any television. What's the point? I don't want to hear the apologies of sobbing Capitol people, saying there was nothing they could do . I don't want to see the destruction in 2, I don't want to see 13 re-built and I most certainly don't want to see... "If you wanted to see Gale you'll have to wait till 6, that's when they get the reports from all the districts." Peeta tells me. For some reason this rubs me the wrong way, his assumption, the way he mentions it so casually as if it means nothing to him.

"I don't want to see him, I just turned it on because I was bored." I reply quickly, furrowing my brows, "I'm sorry if I have to report to you every time I want to turn the television on President Mellark." He pulls away and suddenly my cheeks are growing red, he hadn't meant any harm by what he said but I still bit his head off, just because I was in a bit of a foul mood, "Sorry." I mutter.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have mentioned Gale." He says fairly. "You want me to go ahead and start dinner?"

"No, I'll do it." I tell him, reaching and taking the white bag from his hands, "You go have a shower or something, you look kinda tired." He smiles at me, then kisses my cheek and heads upstairs. He's hired another guy to help him at the Bakery but I know he takes on the majority of the load and it is beginning to take its toll on him. It also isn't helping the mutt, which seems to resurface now when he's very stressed. I don't think I ever appreciated how hard the Baker and The Butcher and the merchants worked, I suppose I was so used to seeing my dust covered father, sitting on the sofa as my mother massaged his aching muscles, I never stopped to think.

Inside the white packaging is about half a dozen un-iced cakes that are a little burnt around the edge, I'm going to go ahead and say these where probably made by Damon; the guy he's taken on as a sort of apprentice. There's also a loaf of bread which has started to get a little hard on the inside. I turn the hob on and start to boil some water for soup, then begin to cut the bread into little squares. A trick Peeta taught me that he'd learnt from his mother. He had called them croutons, you make them from stale bread, then sprinkle them onto soup to give it more texture. It was strange getting back into these habits. Worrying about money and food, making sure nothing went to waste, not that I did that much before anyway. Upstairs I hear him turn the water on meaning he's jumped into the shower, so he'll be down in about 10 minutes. To start with we had discussed moving into the Bakery but after hours of talking we both decided that we were happy to stay here, though here is no longer victor's village, it's simply part of the town now. Peeta's old house has been given to another family and all the others have been filled with town officials. The minors and hospital workers have been placed into the new builds, although we all have to pay a little rent it's so much more affordable for the minors now that they're earning the same, if not more than the Merchants.

Once the water has boiled I start adding in some herbs that I grabbed from the forest this morning, with a little squirrel meat. Then some vegetables that we got from the Grocer whose a middle aged man with 3 young girls. From his eyes and hair I can tell he was from the seam, but he hasn't gone back down the mines because of the cough on his chest. I'm about to take a quick taste test of my soup when the phone starts ringing from the office, I run to reach it and am half-way up the stairs when the noise stops.

"Hello?" Peeta's voice answers as I make my way into the room, he's got a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair is plastered to his scalp with water, the phone in his right hands, pressed against his ear. "Peeta..." He says his own name, then pauses and laughs a little at what the caller says. "Thanks I feel it...I'm fine...yeah it is getting easier but I suppose it'll just take time...yes a few weeks ago...sure she's right beside me." He turns to face me and places the phone in my hands, then whispers "Your mother." Before going back into the bedroom to get dressed and dry his hair.

"Hello?" I say bringing a little false cheer into my voice. Last night the dreams had been almost unbearable. I had only forced myself out of bed this morning to do a little hunting with the help of my little list.

"Katniss, why haven't you been calling?" My mother asks.

"You have a phone as well don't you?" I snap back, how dare she make it seem like I'm the only one not putting in the effort here. "Besides your my MOTHER, it's your job to make sure I'm ok." I hear her sigh down the phone.

"You're right, sorry, I've just been pretty busy down here, but I'm hoping to come up soon to see you." Suddenly my anger is gone, the thought of seeing my mother again sends an unexpected wave of joy through my body.

"That'd be good." I tell her honestly, then there's a short, awkward silence. "So have you seen much of Annie?"

"Yes, actually I saw her only the other day. Little one needed a quick check up, but he's completely healthy and so beautiful Katniss. He's almost the spit of his mother, but you can definitely tell he's Finnick's son." I can't help but smile at that, I don't think a Finnick clone like the one from my dream would have been bearable. "Annie's doing a lot better too, how about Peeta? He sounded much better than when I last saw him, I didn't even recognise his voice."

"Yeah he's fine, I think going back to work is putting a bit of strain on him. He's not used to working without his father and brothers, but he's coping."

"I'm glad." She says. "Well I'll call again as soon when we can set a date for my visit."

"Ok...bye."

"Bye love." I place the phone back down and spend a few seconds staring at it, considering everything that has just been said.

"Katniss?" Peeta's head pops around the door, his hair has been blow dried now so it's all fluffy around his head and he's pulled on some clean clothes, "You alright?" I nod and he comes to put an arm around me, which I snuggle into gratefully. "You know your mum's not a bad person...neither was mine, she was just a little wound up, plus dad didn't exactly help himself...what's that smell?" He asks sniffing loudly. I smell it too, something is burning.

"That's dinner." I tell him, "and you'd better eat it all." I warn, getting up from my seat.

"Yes sir."

**Hoped you liked please review! They mean so much to me! Honestly!**


	11. Chapter 11:You love me real or not real?

**So sorry! I know it has been forever since I updated but hopefully this chapter will make up for it. I really like it. Reviews as ever are really appreciated!**

At first I found it hard to tell when Peeta was having a nightmare. He didn't kick out of scream as I did, but after spending these last 6 months with him it's now second nature. I can feel his skin tighten beneath my fingers as his muscles tense up, I can hear the shuddering of his breath as he fights to stop himself calling out or screaming. He's been having them more these last few weeks than he did before, which is almost the opposite of me. Mine have calmed down considerably since I've got back to normal.

Slowly I turn myself over in the bed, one of his arms is draped over me, his fingers clinging to the sheets of the bed beneath us, as if they anchor him down from floating away. His face in the dim light of the lamp on the bedside is contorted in pain, a few stray tears slipping between his closed eyelids. Gently I put a hand on his cheek and start making soothing circles in the little crook between his cheek and ear with my thumb.

"Peeta." I whisper, leaning down to kiss his nose. "Peeta." His eyes jolt awake and look right at me in fear and confusion. His eyebrows are creased forming a little kink in the skin above his nose.

"Katniss?" He calls back to me in a voice that is so broken and full of hope I feel a lump rise in my own throat.

"I'm here." I tell him, pulling him a little closer, loving the warmth of his skin against mine.

"Katniss." He says again, though this time it's not a question and there's a little harshness to his tone. Before I have anything more to say on the matter he pulls himself away from me and clambers out of the bed. I watch him go over to the window, left open by him so that a slight breeze passes through the room. He leans on its frame and pushes the glass open a little more so he can take in the sweet fresh air. I move the duvet so I can join him but he stops me by putting a hand up. Sometimes he likes to talk about the nightmares, he likes getting things off his chest, and usually he draws them too. He's tried to explain that he feels as if they run around his head, constantly playing on his mind unless he lets them out, though I don't have the same feelings. I like to push the nightmares down so I never have to think about them.

Sometimes though, on really bad nights he shuts me out, either trying to save me from the pain or himself; though he's never really been one to think about himself. With sad eyes I turn away from him and place my head back on the pillow. Mum still hasn't called me back about coming down. I'm not going to go chasing her up, she's my mother. She should be making more of an effort. Peeta has been telling me she is probably busy, which I know is probably true, but I suppose part of me still assumes the worst of her. I caught site of Gale on the television too. Not by choice, Peeta was watching it when I came back. He turned it off as soon as he saw me but it was already too late. He looked good. It was amazing how much someone could change in almost a year. I suppose I'd always seen the 14 year old Gale I first met, the boy with the scraggly black hair and chiselled good looks. He must have turned 20 now though, I realise with a start, and his hair isn't scraggly but well short and well kept. His skin isn't covered in coal dust and the army work is doing wonders for his muscles. He looked like a man.

I feel the bed sag a little as Peeta gets back in, drawing the blanket over himself but he faces away from me. I scoot over a little to get closer to him worried for his behaviour.

"Are you ok?" I ask placing a hand on his shoulder, he doesn't knock my touch away but he doesn't reply to me either. "Do you want to talk about it?" There's definitely something wrong, I can feel the sweat building up on his skin like a layer of extra skin and he's still tensed up. "Peeta?" He turns to me suddenly, his pupils are scarily dilated and at first I recoil. He blinks hard and opens them again sending them back to normal. The mutt.

"You love me, real or not real?" He asks in a sort of hopeless voice as if he has already second guessed my answer and knows it's going to be bad news.

"Real." I say, almost surprising myself, though I know it's true. I do. I love him. I look into his eyes, blue as the lake I used to swim in seeing the confusion and happiness that's growing there. Suddenly his arms and pulling me up so I'm siting, then his hands are cupping my face and pulling me into a kiss. I feel the pull of my gut, the hunger that overtook me on the beach in the quell, the need to kiss him, the want to keep going, keep moving with him. I realise that this was always going to happen. That anything in-between was just a hurdle for me to jump. I don't need Gale with his fire, kindled with rage and hatred; I have enough rage and hatred for my own. I need him. I need my boy with the bread. I need my dandelion in the spring, the bright yellow of rebirth not destruction. The promise that life will go on, no matter how bad the loss. Things can be good again, and only Peeta can give me that. I think of Gale and his new face, his manly face, set in professionalism as he talks to a crowd in district 2. It's the last time; I promise myself, I will ever think of him as anything other than a ghost of my childhood.

Peeta stops kissing me for a second to catch his breath.

"I love you too." He tells me and I can't help the smile that forces it's way to my lips.

"I know."

**So next chapter I may do a little special where we see one of Peeta's dreams? Would you like that? Also would it be cliche if we brought Annie for a visit with Kai? Also I still need names for Peeta and Katniss children and once again I am not naming them Prim or Finnick or Thresh or Rue or Foxface or Cinna or Portia...why? Well I think when I have kids I don't want to name them after ghosts at leats not first names. Middle names I may use Prim and one of Peeta's brothers. Anyway I'm rambling I hope you liked it! I used some words directly from the book. **


	12. Chapter 12: The Miner or The Baker?

**Hello there my loyal followers! 129 reviews! :D Whoever's 130 will get...well nothing but I will give them a mention in the next chapter, and you get the pride! This chapter was fun to write. Love Triangles suck don't they? **

I wasn't quite sure what to say, was there anything I could say? My fingers are playing with the handle of the mug in my hands and I stare down into the light brown liquid inside which swirls around like a mini whirl pool as I move the cup. I can feel the frown on my own face but what exactly does she want me to do? Smile? Pretend everything is the same as before. Because it isn't. I take another sip but the stuff's gone stone cold, I spent to long looking at it. Gently I place the cup down and pull my legs up onto the seat, playing with the edges of my shirt.

"Would you like another?" My mother asks. She's sat opposite on a single chair, her back straight though her hands are calmly laid on her lap not dancing around all over the place like mine. I shake my head and dare a glance up to the tray that Peeta laid out for us before quickly heading out to the Bakery. There was no need for him to be there today, it was Sunday, but I suspect he wanted to give the two of us space. On the tray are biscuits decorated like flowers. It's not his fault but they make my skin scrawl, reminding me so much of Snow. Beside them is a tea pot with a little milk jug, and finished off with a glass bowl with tiny sugar cubes. Blinking away tears I turn away, I can't be weak in front of this woman I simply can't. Silently she takes my cup and fills it with steaming tea, probably just so that she has something to do instead of just sitting staring at me. She pauses when she gets to the milk, her hand faltering.

"Do you take milk?" I don't answer so she pours a little in and stirs with a ridiculously small spoon. Then she comes to the sugar.  
>"Would you like a sugar cube?"<br>Of all the things she could have said. Of all the words put together in our language those are the ones that have me finally snapping like the string of my bow as I release the arrow into the heart of the creature I'm about to kill.

"No." I state, I can hear the hate in my own voice. "I do not want a sugar cube, or milk, or anymore tea, or a stupid biscuit before you ask. I don't want to hear your voice or ANYTHING you might have to say." She sighs as if expecting this and places the cup back down.

"Katniss I thought we were over this…"

"I will NEVER be over this." I tell her, pulling my legs up closer to my chest so that I can hug them.

"Katniss, please." My mother begs, standing up and kneeling in front of the sofa I'm sat on. "I already lost your father and your sister. I can't…" Her voice breaks. "I can't lose you too." I turn my head and look at her for the first time in almost a year. She's pale but other than that she looks healthy, her blonde hair tied back in a pretty design. Though it's nothing like what she did for me the day of that life changing reaping, it suits her well. Her blue eyes look up at me filled with tears. Blue eyes. Just like Prim.  
>One of her hands reaches up to brush some hair away from my eyes and she smiles fondly when I don't flinch from her touch. "You're hairs not tied up." She comments.<p>

"I didn't realise me having my hair in a plait every day was mandatory." I comment quickly, grabbing my hair in one hand and tucking it away down the back of my shirt.

"No, no it's not." She says quickly. "You're hair looks good down…it's such a pretty colour." I stare at her in surprise. I'd never really stopped to think about the colour of my hair before. I know it's slightly lighter than my father's and most other seam children, but nowhere near the blonde of mum and Prim's. And Peeta's for that matter. Feeling the touch of my mother and the comforting warmth it brings I shuffle over and make room for her on the sofa. She obliged silently and snuggles up against me.  
>I breath in deeply, though I was used to Peeta's strong, warm warms this feels different. I feel so safe, tucked here against my mother, like I'm a little girl again and she's chasing away my fears of the dark.<p>

"That's a beautiful picture." She comments towards the fireplace. I look up and see that she's spotted the painting of Prim that Peeta painted. It comes from his own memory of her at the market, standing beside her goat with a basket of freshly made cheese. It doesn't make me sad like it once had, instead brings warmth to me, seeing her there. Smiling. Instead I find my attention drawn to the painting I hardly ever pay attention to. It's of Peeta's family, his mother with a small quirk of her lips, the most she had ever smiled in her life. His brothers are covered in flour and looking pretty proud of themselves for it, but it's not any of them that my eye catches. It's the baker, one arm around his wife, but not looking at her, looking at his sons.

"Why did you never mention him?" I ask suddenly. I can't see my mother's face but I know she's frowning, not understanding what I meant.

"Why did I never mention who?" She asks.

"The Baker, you two where friends weren't you?" I feel her shift nervously beneath me.

"A long time ago yes. Christopher and I where friends, we both lived in the town. Lots of us used to get together and play behind the buildings at the weekends." I curse myself for never having inquired Peeta's dads name before. When I think about him he's 'the baker' in my head, but he was so much more than that. He was a person, a friend, a father, a husband. Christopher Mellark. Now that I think about it, it feels as degrading calling him 'the baker' as it does calling my father 'the miner'.

"He was in love with you." I whisper quietly but my mother hears it and pulls me closer.

"I know, we even tried once but…well he was my friend. A good friend, and I was in love with someone else." I don't bother asking who someone else is because I know it's my dad.

"Why didn't you ever speak about him? We ate his bread enough. Prim used to trade with him, his son was in the Hunger Games with me, you couldn't have found some time to bring it up?"

"It wasn't important, and as to why I never bought it up, it was painful. It was always painful for me to remember my life in the town, remember my old friends. I'm sure you know how that feels." I decided not to reply to this. "Why are you asking me? We haven't seen each other in a year and you want to talk about Chris?" I shrug; I'm not entirely sure why I brought the conversation up. Maybe because I feel guilty knowing so little about Peeta's family. Maybe I just wanted a conversation that didn't involve floods of tears.

"What else would you like to talk about? How are Annie and the baby?" This brings the conversation around. My mother smiles broadly, wrinkling the skin around her eyes.

"They're perfect, I actually have some pictures Annie gave me, I could go get them if you…" Before she can finish the sound of the door opening and someone thumping their boots on the mat sounds from the hallway. A few seconds later and the door is opened slowly.

"Sorry to interrupt." Peeta says, his blonde hair is a mess from the wind but his eyes are glistening with excitement.

"You're not." I say quickly, and then take another look at him, he's not covered in flour and he doesn't look flustered as if he's been around ovens. "Where did you go?"  
>"I visited Haymitch quickly, he needed some help with the geese and then I went to Delly's. It's Patrick's birthday in a few days and she needed some help." Then he turns away from me and looks at my mother, the two met earlier so the formalities have all been seen to, so instead he says something to her that makes me frown. "Mrs. Everdeen could I possibly have a very quick word with you."<p>

"Of course." My mother says jumping from the couch and following him into the hallway. Part of me wants to listen in but the other part doesn't want to give them the satisfaction, if they're keeping secrets from me then be my guest, and if they're talking about me then I don't want to hear it. Instead I grab the remote and flick the television on, it's some stupid programme drama thing. They were apparently big in the Capitol before but I just wasn't buying it.  
>Just as I fear I could be bored to death the two of them come back in, my mother smiling in a way I haven't really seen since my father died, she goes and sits on the seat she was in before, taking a biscuit with her. Peeta looking the same as always, he pecks me on the forehead then whispers something about going to make dinner. Narrowing my eyes I watch him leave and look at my mother.<p>

"What's going on?" I ask quickly.

"Nothing." She tells me and the bites the cookie again as if to stop herself saying anything else.

**Be honest how many of you thought this would be about Gale and Peeta by the title of the chapter? Come on hands up. I like this chapter, it's nice showing some motherly/daughterly love 3 I have a few plans for the next chapters but to bo honest with you I think we're over the half-way line with this story. I mean I ahve been writing it since...August? NOOOOO! WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! *cough*  
><strong>**Anyway Peeta's dad is called Christopher mainly because I just finished The Mortal Instruments (I freaking LOVE those books) and I liked the name. Enjoy! Next chapter will probably be nice and fluffy. Oh and do you guys want another nightmare? Cos I have one in mind but I wasn't sure if you liked them...anyway thank you and PLEASE REVIEW! *cries* Reviews make me so happy, and the more I get the quicker the next chapter *huggles you all* I love you, thanks for standing by me for 7 months!**


	13. Chapter 13: Proposal?

**Hello again! Looks like quite a few of you fell for my confusing chapter title last time :D Ok so RockMusicFan80 was reviewer number 140 and hannahpie45 was 150! You guys get virtual hugs! As does everyone else who reviewed! And once again to all the new readers who've had to read this thing from chapters 1-13 all in one go I salute you. I've had 3 exams over the last 2 days so I wrote this for a bit of a break. Hope you enjoy! **

"Damn it." I mumble, stumbling back from the forest. Fresh blood oozes slowly from the cut on my finger, I try to stop it my placing my mouth over the wound but it doesn't work. Why are the smallest cuts always the most annoying? Giving up I wipe the blood on my trousers and try to forget the ache. I hadn't managed to get much of a catch. Since the forest had been opened up a lot of amateurs had tried their hands at hunting, without a success. All they're doing is scaring the game away. Frustrated my feet find the pathway that leads into the centre of the town, going first though the Seam.

It's so different to when I was last living there. There houses are no longer, what can best be described as, cardboard boxes. They look much more like the houses in Victor's Village, though a little smaller. Despite the fact they're fairly new they're mostly all covered in a thin layer of coal dust, just like everything here. It's a weekend so there are kids in the streets running around the whole place. It's comforting to see that none of them look as if they're starving.

Leaving the seam the street opens out into the main square of the town. The Saturday markets are all open for people to trade at, they bustle around with their arms full of food and clothes and objects, smiles on their faces. Laughter and talking and heated attempts at bartering fill my ears. Through the crowd I spot where Peeta normally sets up his stall but I don't see him. Pushing through the crowd I notice that behind the counter is a 7 year old boy with fluffy ash blond hair and shinning blue eyes, his older sister is stood next to him smiling brightly at me.

"Hey Katniss!" Delly greets me happily.

"Hey Delly, hey Patrick." I say to the younger boy but he just turns away from me and carries on icing a biscuit, his tongue poking out slightly in concentration.

"How was it with your mother?" Delly asks, tucking some hair behind her ear. It's nice to see her looking healthy, there's roundness to her face again and her cheeks are a warm, rosy colour.

"It was good," I nod. "The two of us never really see eye to eye but it was nice seeing her, but it was nice having her over for a couple f weeks, I dropped her back at the station this morning."

"My father and I never got on; he never really wanted a girl. He was a lot happier when Pat came along." She ruffles the boy's hair and he throws her an irritated glance. I smile sadly, that was the truth of it, most people in District 12 wanted boys, especially in the seam because boys could go down the mines. "But it's always nice to know you have a mother to fall back on." Delly says and I'm dragged away from my thoughts. It's strange to see the sad look on the other girl's face, the girl known for her cheer and excitability.

"Delly I…"

"Peeta's waiting for you back at the house." She says quickly pulling a grin onto her face. She doesn't want to talk about it, I can relate to that. "He says he's got a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I ask but she refuses to say anything more. Thanking her I head back home, meandering around people, goats, children, and some apples which have been knocked from the grocer's cart. By the time I get back to the house the sun has started to dip behind me and I'm beginning to feel the cold. I tug my father's hunting jacket closer to my body and run up the steps to our front door. Reaching into the left pocket I dig out the small silver key to open the door and then stop. Suddenly the images of my mother being called out of the living room with Peeta play in my mind. What kind of surprise would need my mother's approval? Only one that I can think of on the spot.

My heart is suddenly beating 3x faster than it should be and my mind starts buzzing. What if he proposed? That would explain the talk with my mother, and why he's been acting kind of secretive these last few days, which is very unlike Peeta. Or is it? Confusion and panic bubble up inside me and I start to back up until suddenly the door is pulled open and Peeta is smiling down at me, that is he's smiling until he sees the look on my face.

"Katniss?" He rushes forward and takes my cold hands in his.

"I'm fine." I tell him quickly, hating when he's worried about me, it makes me feel so weak and pathetic, like I need him to stop myself falling apart. Do I? Do I need him? I've already admitted to myself that I love him, but is need something completely different?

"Come on let's get you into the warm. I have something to show you."

Slowly he pulls me back into the house and heads towards the kitchen. What if he's prepared a meal? Probably hidden the ring inside the drink like in these stupid shows from the Capitol, not that I've watched any but there's not a lot to do when I'm waiting up for Peeta to get back from the Bakery and I can't stand watching the news.

Digging my heels into the floor I stop in the middle of the hallway.

"Peeta I don't think I'm ready to marry you." He stops dead and looks at me, a little crinkle in-between his eyebrows; he's also paled notably. "It's just, we're both 18 and we've only just got our lives back on track, and…"

"Katniss!" I look away from Peeta's face to see a young woman stood in the doorway. She has brown hair which is hanging loose just below her shoulders. Her green eyes are sparkling with excitement and her mouth is pulled into a huge smile, she rushes forwards and pulls me into a hug. I smile and hug her back, so pleased that she's here. Annie Odair.

After a few moments we pull away and I find myself wiping tears from my eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Peeta called us a couple of days ago, he told me that you and your mother where getting along, and that you kept asking after us. He thought it would be a nice idea if we came to visit." I turn to look at Peeta but he's gone into the kitchen, probably to start with dinner. He probably wanted to give the two of us space since it's been a little over a year since we last saw each other.

"I'm so pleased you're here, where's Kai?"

"Oh he's upstairs sleeping, I'll go get him." Annie tells me and then rushes up the stairs in a blur. Unable to remove the smile from my face I go into the kitchen where Peeta is kneeling in front of the oven, playing with the switches.

"I'm sorry." I say walking forwards.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" He asks getting up and coming towards me, pulling his arms around my body. On seeing Annie the weariness left my body, but it's only now that I'm wrapped in Peeta's arms that all the cold has gone and I feel the warm sparks in my stomach, begging me to be closer to him. "_I'm_ sorry I didn't tell you, I thought you'd like the surprise, I should have remembered you don't like surprises."

"No, no it was fine. I overreacted…I just got it into my mind…" I hear footsteps behind me and Peeta glances over my shoulder. Taking in a breath quickly, I turn to follow his gaze. It's Annie, back from upstairs. Lying in her arms is a 5 month old boy, a thin layer of wavy chocolate brown hair on top of his head and big green eyes, glazed with sleep. He doesn't look too happy about being woken up from his nap.

"Katniss this is Kai, Kai this is Katniss."

**D: Can anyone notice the problem? The big stupid mistake that Katniss has failed to notice? If you can you get another virtual hug! Oh and if anyone is having problems with figuring out the times, this is 1 year and 1 month after the war. I have also decided on baby names for Katniss and Peeta :D Yay! Really? only me excited? :( **


	14. Chapter 14: Yes

**I'm back! Sorry for the long wait! **Phoenix Refrain **was reviewer number 170 and EbunnyLove was 160 so hugs for you. I'm also so pleased so many of you commented on Delly and Patrick, I was a little scared of adding them in because they appear so little in the books (Patrick not at all). I probably wont be able to update again until my exams are done, so enjoy!**

I remember being four years old, standing outside the house clinging onto my father, trying to block out the screams from inside the house. My father whispers in my ear that it's ok, that this is a good thing, but I don't understand. He pulls his fingers through my hair and does what he always does when things scare me, when the monsters hide under my bed, when I watch the tributes dying on T.V. He sings. I can't remember the exact song, but the soft melody lulled me into a sense of safety.  
>That's when the women comes out; my father stands up immediately and turns to her, I glance up too, trying to decipher what the two adults are saying to each other with their eyes. She as a huge smile on her face, so I assume it's good news. In the background I hear that my mother has also stopped screaming.<br>My father takes his large, worn out hand in my small one, and leads me inside to where my parents sleep; when I was very little I used to share the bed with them but now I sleep by myself.  
>On the bed is my mother, looking ill and pale, her long blonde hair plastered to her face from sweat, and bags hang underneath her blue eyes. I'm not surprised she's tired, she's been screaming all night and half the morning.<br>My father takes me over to the bed and sits me next to my mother on the uncomfortable mattress, she reaches down and kisses the top of my head lightly, though she doesn't put her arms around me, they're too busy holding something, a small bundle of blankets. Curiously I look into them and find a baby, I'd seen them before around the seam, clinging to their mothers, pulling hair, crying into the night, but this one is different. It's eyes are large and the same blue as my mothers, however that's not what catches me, it's the way they're looking up at me, right at me, trying to figure out who I am.  
>"Katniss, this is your little sister." My father tells me, he's put an arm around my mother and she's leaning into his body slightly. "Her name is Primrose."<p>

Looking down into Kai's big green eyes looking at me in confusion, trying to work out who I am, and why on earth his mother has left me alone with him, reminds me so much of that day that I struggle to keep the tears away. When Annie left with Delly to walk through the town Kai had been asleep in his make-shift cot, his eyes shut, sleeping peacefully. He started crying a few minutes ago, though when I picked him up he stopped immediately, curiously staring at me before realising that I'm not his mother. Suddenly he starts crying again, his cheeks puffed out and rosy read from the pressure of it.  
>Panicking I try gently rocking him backwards and forwards like I've seen Annie do a hundred times, like I remember my own mother doing. Sometimes my dad used to sing us to sleep when we were little, but the only lullaby I can remember is the one I sang to Rue as she lay dying in my arms.<br>Suddenly I'm so overcome with memories that I can hardly breathe, this is all so wrong. I shouldn't be holding Finnick's baby, he should. I sit down on the bed before my legs can give in, I pull Kai close to me and whisper to him, beg him to calm down because I have no idea what to do, I don't know what he wants.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice from the doorway snaps my head up; his blue eyes are full of sympathy which just makes me even angrier and frustrated at this whole situation. He walks over to me and takes Kai from my arms, the boy freezes again, trying to work out who Peeta is. He kisses Kai's head and places him back into the cot, gently talking to him, in the same tone of voice he did with the dying Morphling, talking about paints and colours.  
>Once he's sure Kai has closed his eyes again Peeta turns his concern back to me, he kneels in front of me and places his two hands around my face, they're rough and callused from working in the Bakery. "What happened?"<br>"I just didn't know what to do," I admit, my own voice sounding like a stranger's "He just reminded me so much of Prim, and Rue…I froze up." I slip onto the floor and allow him to pull me into his arms.  
>"It's ok," He tells me "You're allowed to feel like this, its normal."<br>"Then why aren't you like this?" I ask, my voice heated but not screaming as I'd like it to be; in fear of waking Kai up again. "You're meant to be the weak one." I point out, seeing hurt in his eyes. "You're the one who grew up cushioned in the town, you're the one who's soft and kind and vulnerable. I'm meant to be the strong one!" For a few seconds I'm scared I might have awakened the Mutt again because he looks ready to shoot me, but he controls it and swallows loudly, like all the hatred had been food in his mouth.

"I'm not the Peeta Mellark you went into the 74th Hunger Games with." He tells me, in a tone I've never heard him use before, he's assured, he's in control of his voice, and he's taken all emotion away. "My whole family was blown up, I watched Darius and Lavinia tortured to death, I heard Johanna Mason, the strongest person I know, screaming in terror. I fight with myself everyday so that I don't end up strangling you." I'm not sure why, but this had never occurred to me. I'd always seen Peeta as a bit of a weak link, a little soft, but now looking at him I've been so wrong. I've underestimated him so much.

"When my mother came, what did you ask her?" I blurt out, sudden realisation hitting me. I'd thought he'd told her about Annie, but he couldn't have. He only asked Annie to come a few days before my mother left. He asked my mother for permission to marry me.  
>Peeta's back to normal, blushing and looking towards the cot where, amazingly, Kai is still asleep. "I just asked her how it was going, I know you two don't get along and I…"<br>"Yes." I say quickly. Peeta turns to me again, clearly confused and shocked.  
>"What?"<br>"Yes. I'll marry you." Peeta's mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, gasping for air.  
>"I didn't ask."<br>"You don't have to." I tell him, leaning forwards so our foreheads are touching, I feel his warmth breath against my neck and it sends tingles down the whole of my body.  
>"You asked me to marry you before, real or not real." Ashamed I nod.<br>"Real."  
>"This time…this time you mean it? You want to marry me? Not for the cameras, not for the capitol, not for…" Knowing that my words will never be powerful enough I lean forwards and stop him from talking by placing my lips on his. We stay like that for what feels eternity, wrapped in each other arms, feeling his heart beating against my chest, his lips moving in harmony to mine.<br>"Awwww!" I hear someone squeal from the doorway. Peeling away from Peeta I see that Delly and Annie are back.

**FINALLY! Jeez took them long enough ;) xx**


	15. Chapter 15: Mockingjay or Katniss

**Hii! Well I only have 2 more exams to go :D hope you enjoy this chapter, please fave and review! 3 xx they all mean the world to me. **

I can't escape it. They've formed a circle around me; hands grasped together, their faces blanched and their white pupiless eyes sunken into their sockets. One of them I recognise steps forwards, with his fluffy brown hair, and intelligent features. He's wearing the same outfit he did the day I met him, a black shirt with matching pants, and the closer he gets the greens of his eyes begin to stand out so that he is no longer one of the ghost people. He's here. My Cinna. He reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder comfortingly, I thought his touch would be cold but it isn't, it's as warm as it was when he was alive.

"What're you doing here?" He asks me with a small smile on his lips, and I can't help but smile back. Cinna was the first person I trusted in the Capitol. No. He was the first person I ever trusted after my father's death, besides Gale. Despite the fact I feel on edge with all the ghost people watching me I feel inclined to answer him, it's the least I can do, but when I go to speak I find myself saying something completely differently.

"I'm sorry; it's my fault you're here. If you'd been given any other district or tribute you wouldn't be here…" He cuts me off by placing a single finger over my lips. I find myself looking up into his eyes, and realise there's no anger or frustration or hurt, only sympathy and it's for me. I pull away quickly, what have I ever done to deserve his sympathy?

"I wouldn't have had it any other way, none of us would. You cannot blame yourself for a whole war Katniss and you cannot blame yourself for every single death that has ever happened."

"I don't…"

"Oh yes you do." He cuts me off quickly. "If you didn't we wouldn't be standing here right now." I glance around the circle, I see Prim's small hand entangled with my father's, I see Rue's lock of thick black hair, I see the boy from District 4 I never even learned the name of, I see Morphling who died in Peeta's arms, I see the girl from District 6 who I watched starve to death when I was 4 years old. "None of us are real Katniss; we're inside your head."

"I can't forget you," I say quickly "I don't want to."

"That's not what I said, forgetting the past is dangerous, but so is holding onto it."

"Is speaking in riddles something they teach you once you die? You never spoke like this before." I tell him matter of factly. He shakes his head and chuckles.

"Fine then, I will get to the point. I don't approve of your wardrobe choice for tomorrow."

"Why not? It's one of yours."

"Exactly," He says "Those dresses, no matter how amazing, where made for the Mockingjay, not Katniss Everdeen."

"The Mockingjay is Katniss Everdeen, she's me." He raises an eyebrow at me questioningly.

"Is she?" He asks and I'm about to answer when I realise he's disappeared and I'm standing alone in a circle of ghosts.

Sitting up in the bed I glance over at Peeta whose still sleeping soundly, one arm draped across his chest from where I've pushed it off my own bod, and the other supporting the back of his head. His ash blonde hair is spread out across the pillow beneath him like a golden halo around his head. Leaning down gently I kiss his warm forehead and slip out of the bed. I creep down the steps and head to the basement where I keep all of Cinna's costumes; among other things. One of them in particular stands out near the front, the one I had chosen to wear for tomorrow.  
>It's made from red and yellow and white gems, with bits of blue that accent the tips of the flame design. I know that if I were to climb into the outfit now and spin around I would appear to be on fire. It's my first interview dress. Delly had helped me pick it out from all the others, both of us deciding it was the most memorable, and one of the most beautiful; but looking at it now, hanging there, it doesn't feel right. Huffing in frustration I rip the dress from its peg in a rage and watch as it falls to the floor, where I let it lay like a limp, dead body. He's right, the dress is completely wrong.<br>Desperately I start to search through the piles of outfits he made for me, for my tour, for my interviews…but there's nothing. There's nothing good enough, nothing that screams out to me. Cinna's right, all the outfits where made to show off, to make me look beautiful and important and desirable, but in reality I am none of those things. And that's when I make the snap decision; I know exactly what to do.

"Katniss, you look beautiful." Delly assures me as I stand in front of the mirror, staring at myself wide eyed, but not because I look beautiful, as she says, but because it'd almost been so long I'd forgotten that this part of me still existed. The part of me who didn't have to fight to survive the Hunger Games, or fool the capitol, or go hunting every morning for food. The me I was before my father's death, the me I was before the Games. Katniss Everdeen.  
>In the mirror I can see that Delly has delicately placed a thin layer of make-up over my features, my grey eyes looking slightly bigger than normal and shimmering with happiness, whilst my lips, thought slightly tinted red do not look full and kissable, as they had after my prep team had been at work. My dark brown hair is braided into two plaits, which I have placed over each shoulder. They're entwined with silk red ribbons, which match the scarlet colour of the plaid dress I'm wearing. It was an old one of Delly's which she's adjusted for me after I called her last night demanding she come straight over. It's nothing special, it doesn't glisten with jewels, or burst into flames the moment I start moving, and yet it's probably one of the best things I have ever worn.<br>There's a black ribbon around the waist which pulls my stomach in, showing of my small, womanly curves. Having enough food to eat has definitely padded me out slightly, as well as being an 18 year old girl. At 16 I'd been such a skinny little thing, though nowhere near as malnourished as some of the other seam kids. On my feet are simple black dolly shoes, which add nothing much to my height and I feel suddenly extremely short. At least the hunting boots have little heels which give me some height.

"It's perfect Delly," I tell her truthfully. "I can't thank you enough."

"You don't need to thank me," She says smiling "I did it because I wanted to, because you're my friend." I spin around quickly and look at her, we'd never exactly been enemies in school, but we'd never been close. Thinking about it, it was hard to pin point the moment when we _had _become friends, she was always Peeta's friend and I was just a tag along.  
>She pulls me into a hug, and I wrap my own arms around her, but now my brain is whirring, thinking, needing. All of a sudden I miss Gale; I want Gale to be here. In fact he should be here, right now, assuring me, letting me confide my fears in him, letting him know I love him, even if it's not deep, unfathomable way I love Peeta. For those few seconds I can't even remember why he isn't here, why I'm hugging the shoemaker's daughter. Then Haymitch is at the door, telling me we have to go and I'm suddenly being pulled towards the town hall to get married.<p>

**Dun dun duuuuunnnnn D:**


	16. Chapter 16: Toast

**I'm back :D I'm so sorry, it's been...months since I updated this. But hey I've been writing it for over a year now :3 anyway you guys need to keep reviewing! The more reviews the more I want to write! I know it's annoying...also I apologise for this chapter. I'm 15 and have very little experience in this area. IT IS NOT LEMON! I REFUSE TO WRITE SMUT! **

All of the lights were turned off and they were finally alone after a day of being surrounded by people congratulating them, hugging them, and just generally getting in the way. The fire crackled in the middle sending a warm, glow across his skin; his long eyelashes creating stripes of shadow across his face. His lips curled in a gentle smile and his eyes where glistening in excitement as they had been every day since she's said yes, or was it he who'd said yes? She couldn't really remember who'd proposed to who, but what did it really matter - it had ended the same either way.  
>Peeta passed over the metal rod with a slice of his fruity bread on the end. Katniss smiled at the pieces of fruit and berries, and admired the way they were randomly mixed in with the dough. It was the same type of bread he had burnt in the ovens of his family bakery to give to her. The bread he had made saved her family; the bombs Gale made had taken Prim away from her.<br>He had made the bread last night before he went to bed and feeling too awake to try and sleep Katniss had watched. Watched as his callused, worn hands - which had once wrapped around her throat in hate - delicately kneaded the mixture with care that only Peeta could put into bread making.  
>Together they placed their kebabed bread into the fire and watched as it curled inwards at the corners and began to brown. It was fascinating to watch the deadly flames lick at the bread like hungry tongues, to watch the way the bread reacted by curling slightly inwards on itself and browning right in the centre and around the edges.<br>Across the fire Peeta was smiling at her, his usual gentle smile that sent a spoonful of warmth into her stomach and made her smile back. When she'd arrived at the Justice Hall he'd been wearing his black suit with red accents on the sleeves, and his eyes had widened in surprise when he'd seen her wearing her red plaid dress which fell straight down to the floor. She knew she must have looked like a little girl, but that was, for once, what she'd wanted. A fresh start. A new phoenix born from the flames.  
>Peeta took his bread away from the fire and so did she, glancing at him to double check she removed the bread from the stick and felt its warmth beneath her fingers. She bit down into the bred hearing it crunch as her teeth collided with the hardened dough. The fruit had become dried and shrivelled in the heat but their taste was the same as if they'd been fresh from the bushes they grew on.<br>Once they'd finished the bread Peeta turned the lights back on and doused the fire with a cup of water, then took her hand and pulled her close to his body. His fingers pushed away some hair from her face which had fallen out of its braids a few hours ago so her hair now hung loosely passed her shoulders. The whole day had been a blur of people and talking and dancing but now it was calm and it was just the two of them left.  
>"Real or not real?" He asked, leaning his forehead down against hers.<br>"Is what real?" She replied, looking up into his eyes. When had he become so tall? She wondered. When they'd first gone into the games there had barely been a centimetre between them.  
>"All of it," Peeta whispered back, his breath smelling sweetly of the fruit and cinnamon in the bread. "All of <em>this. <em>How do we know this isn't all one big trick from the capitol to make us think we're finally happy, but really we're about to be brutally murdered." The sudden harshness in his tone made Katniss pull away slightly, fearful that the Mutt might be returning. However another glance into his eyes told her that it wasn't.  
>"Who knows," she answered, leaning upwards towards him. "Who cares? Neither of us have anything left to lose."<p>

The kiss was firm but gentle, his heart beating against hers, his fingers twisting themselves in the strands of her hair as their feet moved them towards the bedroom. Her back hit the door as her hand fiddled around for the door knob. Eventually she found it and pulled the two of them inside.  
>This was the moment they stopped, stepped away, and looked at each other. They had both known this was coming, it was a part of marriage, and yet something inside Katniss was suddenly very scared. She wasn't sure if she could trust someone with this part of her, with something so important. Could she really offer herself so vulnerably to someone?<br>His hair was a mess in the dull light, his cheeks rosy and his lips slightly swollen from the kiss. If she could trust anyone in the world, it was him. He had never let her down before; he had always been her guide through the dark, even if she hadn't known it at the time. Gradually they moved towards each other again, as if neither of their bodies could take the separation any longer. He took her hand once again and rubbed circles on it with his thumb. She could see the colour difference between their skin in the way she never could with Gale's.  
>Katniss thought of the small packet hidden in her bedside draw which Annie had given her, she'd said Finnick had used them when he'd been 'working' for Snow. She'd called it a 'protector' and said that it would stop them having children until Katniss was ready, which she wasn't and didn't know if she would ever be. Quickly dashing to grab it she explained what it was to Peeta, who nodded in reply but didn't say anything. He would do it for her, but she could see the heart break behind his eyes. He wanted children. She realised. Wanting to get rid of the hurt look on his face quickly she kissed him again and slipped the packet into his hand. It was a conversation they could have another day, but at that moment it was their wedding night, and nothing would spoil it.<p>

**Well? what did ya think? Next chapter may have to skip a few years to speed things up ;)**


	17. Chapter 17: Apologise

**Hi guys, sorry this is just an authors note.**

**So I'm in my final year at school so things have started getting busy but over xmas I had some free time and thought 'wow I should write something for that fic' so I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I promise you it was the best most amazing, specatuclar hear breaking chapter in the universe that has ever been written. Did I save it?**

**So baisically I can't find the heart to re-write it just yet but I promise it'll be on the way. Thank you all for being so amazing and loyal for the year and 4 months this fic has been out :3**

**Go check out my other stories in the meantime!**


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